Day 3 of how many???

Wow!  What a week.  We have at least 41 orders for Kickin' It Pink for Kristyn T shirts!  Thanks to Christy for getting this going.  I have a logo for my fight against breast cancer!  I'll share it once it's final but it's pretty bad ass.  I'M pretty bad ass!  Ok, Roxanne thinks I'm pretty bad ass. ha ha She designed the logo and did an awesome job.  Katie started the team for the Race For the Cure and did a great job with that - we currently have 25 people on our team! And we beat our donation goal! You are all amazing supporters of me and this fight.  If I leave you out in my thank you's please know I haven't forgotten about you,  Maybe at the end of this I'll give a thank you speach :)  Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers because this is only the beginning. 
So yesterday I took a Xanax because my insides were going crazy - like a volcano running through me (not on fire, just going all over) or maybe like a bunch of little kids running all over the place, inside my veins. UGH!  I guess that was nerves in anticipation of what is yet to come.  Then Cristie came and took me to my white blood cell shot (maybe I'll learn the technical terms some day but for now, who cares?!) which I took a vicodin for beforehand because I heard the shots make your bones hurt.  We decided we needed to stop at the Bulldog on the way home to sit on the patio and enjoy ourselves for a little.  This was nice!  Then we picked up Micah and came home.  Sweet little Micah, he has no clue what's going on and just makes me smile all the time. 
Today I'm feeling ok.  I might have a bit of a stomach ache, I really don't know.  I think if I ignore it I'll be ok so I plan to go to the mall to get some sweats since I'll be lounging around for the next 4 months and a b.day present for Helena because she turned 15 on Tuesday!  Wow!  She will definitely remember her step mom going through cancer and I'm sure it'll be hard to see but she's dealt with some tough stuff in her life (losing her house twice, once from Katrina and again from Isach) and is a really strong girl.  Anyway, we're celebrating tomorrow.  Manicures, the mall, ice cream cake, pizza and whatever else the day brings!
Oops I took a detour there.  So I'm feeling ok, keeping up on my meds, and hoping and praying really hard that I don't get sick. But if I don't get sick, how will I lose weight?  oh geez, is that really the most important thing Kristyn??? :)  No, but let me tell you if I have to go through all this crap, I better get something good out of it!  Including life, of course!

Day 1 - Done

Well, I made it.  Day 1 of Chemo is in the past (almost!)  Bobby took me to my appointment and we waited almost an hour to be called back.  Then when we got to the infusion room I felt abandoned by the nurse that called me back.  Literally, she called my name, some other man came back with us and I was never spoken to again.  When we got in the room she walked away and didn't say a word so there we were, just standing there.  I've been pretty calm and collected this whole time but this was about to make me lose it.  Poor Bobby wasn't sure how to support me.  We gathered our stuff and walked back to the waiting room.  The didn't even realize I had left for like 15 minutes.  I had already started looking up other cancer centers in the area and if this wasn't for chemo, for breast cancer, for this dumb thing that I NEED treatment for I might have left.  I would have left.  But I stuck it out and it turned out ok.  My nurse for the day, Missy, said "we have fun here" and I thought, Oh Really???  It turns out "we" do! 
The lady sitting next to me just started today also and is on the same plan as me so we'll be seeing each other every 2 weeks for 4 months.  Our cases are a little different and I hope that we both come out of this smiling like we did today. 
I went to the American Cancer Society Look Good, Feel Better little class today during my treatment (Pulled my big ol' chemo dripping IV thing with me) and got a bunch of free makeup and 2 wigs!  Check out my loot

BRCA Tests and Port-a-Cath's

I'm barely able to keep my eyes open after my surgery to insert the port-a-cath but we got good news today so I want to share it!  The results for the BRCA test came back negative!  That means I'm less likely to get ovarian cancer and less likely to have a recurrance of breast cancer.  At least I think that's what it means :)  Seems strange to not carry the gene yet still get breast cancer but whatever.  I suppose if I researched I'd discover something like the BRCA only tests for certain genes, not all of them.  Regardless, that is great news!
Now, for the port-a-cath... I had no idea this was such a big thing.  The doctor told us the actual surgery was only about 45 minutes so I was thinking it'd be no big deal but I think I was wrong.  I was knocked out for a few hours, when I woke up I was in pain so they started adding pain killers to my IV drip and I was in and out for another 3 hours.  Now that I'm home I only keep my eyes open for a few minutes before falling asleep.  Really, it's not that big of a deal, it's just not what I expected.  And I have another Rx for Vicodin.  The pharmacy might stop filling my prescriptions!
I start chemo tomorrow morning at 9:30.  I was hoping to try some Xanax tonight to mellow me out but I think my surgery drugs are doing the trick. 
Here's a before pic of my chest

And an after pic (bandaged up)

Just the beginning of my 'changes.'

Chickens, goats, cows, corn and Badgers!

We had planned a trip Madison, Wisconsin with our good friends Gabe and Katie a few months back because the guys wanted to shop at their favorite store, Deluth Trading Company, and Katie was going to show us where she grew up. Tell me it's not funny to go on a trip for your husband to go shopping at his favorite clothing store! This has been a great trip and perfect timing to get my mind of things as I wait to start chemo. Thursday we stayed in Milwaukee. We went to dinner at a Safe House, very cool, and then went out. Friday we got up, drove to Madison and had lunch and a delicious Brandy Old Fashion before heading to Deluth Trading Company. We dropped the guys off to shop and went to see one of Katie's friends whom I met at Gabe and Katie's wedding. Once we were able to drag the guys away from the store we headed to the farm. We "helped" Katie's mom feed her goats and chickens and then went to Katie's sisters to milk some cows. Her sister and her family milk about 180 cows, twice a day, every day, 7 days/week, 365 days/year.  Ugh I can't even comprehend that!! The hospitality of Katie's family has been fantastic. They showed us what they do, fed us an amazing dinner that everyone pitched in to make, gave us rooms, made us Apple Pie (apple cider w/everclear. Yum), and treated us like family.
Today we're headed to tailgate for the Badger game. I had to stay true to my Beaver roots so we're not going into the game, just tailgating the whole time. Typical of my football fashion at OSU (Go Beavs!). I'm sure we'll have fun today.  It's cold, way colder than NOLA, but perfect football weather.

As for my annoying little friend, Breast Cancer, that bitch has been on the sidelines this weekend. (why is it a "girl?". I'll see what I can do about that!). Monday I have my pre-op appointment for the port-a-cath and a  chemo education appt to find out about all my medications I'll be taking. My mom and I decided we'd keep track of all the receipts just to see how much I spend on rx's. Luckily I have insurance!  Tuesday I'm getting my Mirena taken out. The best and easiest form of birth control but it releases a hormone that the docs are worried about. However, I've been instructed to NOT get pregnant while I'm going through treatment.  Makes sense but I only know one sure way to prevent pregnancy and I'm pretty sure my husband won't like that!  Right after that procedure I get the port-a-cath put in. All this in preparation for my first chemo treatment which should be Wednesday morning. I'm nervous.  How sick will I get? When will I get sick? Will the nurses like me? Will I like them?  What about the other patients? Should Bobby come the first time? Or my mom?  I kind of want to be there alone but once I'm there I bet I change my mind. And you know the ultimate question, when will my hair fall out???  We will soon find out the answers to all these questions.
Oh yah!  My mom has been with Micah while we've been gone. I miss him and am looking forward to getting him up on Monday morning!!  Thanks for taking care of him, Mom!

Get It Checked

So this is what I want to say today - get it checked.

If I didn't have my annual exam appointment I would not have known I have cancer. So is that bad? I mean, I don't feel sick or like I have cancer but I do. If I didn't have my appointment I would still be sitting here, like normal, with it growing inside of me. Seven days ago I was "fine." I'm so happy I didn't reschedule that appointment and that I remembered to ask my Dr about the lump I found. And that she said to get an ultrasound and I listened. I only put it off one week (because I called the wrong place the first time).

If you have something suspicious, weird, strange, different, painful, etc… Get It Checked.  My annoying annual exam saved my life.

I'm still going to lose my hair

Yes this whole thing freaks me out but right now I'm focusing on small things like losing my hair.  Because that's easier to deal with.
The Oncologist report - in my words:
The cancer is Stage 2A.  It's Stage 2 because of the size (bigger).  It's aggressive.  Aggressive mostly in that it's abnormal. It's probably been there for a year, maybe less, so it's grown fast and could keep growing.  The MRI showed no signs of it being in the lymph nodes or spreading at this time.  Chemo starts next week but first I have an echo cardiogram and have to get a port-a-cath put in.  I think I'll come out of this with a few scars.  16 weeks of chemo - the first 8 weeks will be 2 drugs every 2 weeks.  The last 8 weeks will be 1 drug every 2 weeks, I think.  Half way through we evaluate to see if the tumor shrunk, then we'll decide what surgery to do.  Unless I carry the gene indicating I'm more likely to get Breast Cancer again or ovarian cancer in which case we'll know what surgery.  I'm ok not knowing which surgery yet, it's kind of nice to not worry about that right now.  I know where I want to have it though!  This place and their "spa like atmosphere..."  I could handle that. 
So I start Chemo next week.  That's crazy.  And my hair will fall out.  That's really crazy.  And my eye brows and eye lashes.  Really?  I asked why the hair can't stay in and just not grow instead of completely falling out and the doctor nicely answered my childish question - that it kills the folicle.  That's freaking stupid. 

Just Like the Movies

On Sept 24, 2012 I found out I have breast cancer.  Bobby and I walked into the Doctor's office, not the exam room but the office with a desk and chairs.  I looked at Bobby and said "This is just like the movies, this isn't good" but I still didn't think the lump I found, that had been under scrutiny from two ultrasounds, a mammogram and a biopsy, could possibly be cancer.  My first reaction was that I didn't want to lose my hair.  I can't imagine losing my hair, it was traumatizing (???) enough dealing with the baby hairs that grew back after Micah was born but now I have to lose my hair AND deal with it growing back? 
One week later, I'm still not entirely sure if this has all hit me.  I have other fears (I want to see Micah grow up, I want to grow old with Bobby, How does nausea really feel? How long will this last? Will I always wonder if the cancer will come back? What if it does?) but it still seems a bit surreal.  Since I was given my diagnosis I've had one doctor appointment, been pricked twice for blood, had an MRI, had an IV for the MRI, called HR, told my mom, told Helena, told my friends, told my church, prayed, asked others to pray, written down my thoughts, got my hair cut, kissed Micah way more than he probably wants me to (but I don't care!!!), tried to act like nothing is wrong, tried to act like something is wrong, shed tears and done a little research (I wish I could do more but it freaks me out).  I have an appointment with the Oncologist tomorrow morning, a second opinion in the afternoon, early next week I'll have to do pre-op work for the chemotherapy port and then get the port implanted and I guess start my chemotherapy treatment.
I plan to use this blog as a way to let my friends and family know how things are going.  I don't intend to make you cry or laugh but if you do, I hope you laugh more than cry!  I have no idea what kind of things I'll write about but I feel like I need to do this for me and you.  Please don't judge my writing skills or grammar, or if you do judge just don't tell me about it! 
Here's to Breast Cancer Awareness month and the beginning of my journey.  Join us at the Race For the Cure on Oct 20th.  Our team name is Kickin' It Pink for Kristyn.
Registration link for Race for the Cure