Think outside the box

I've noticed that my right eye twitches and that my teeth hurt, which I think is from my tongue pushing on them out of anxiety or stress or something.  I have had minor anxiety since my cancer diagnosis and have been on some form of medication since then.  Every now and then I'll call my doctor and ask her to change the medication or dose.  I met with her today to figure this out so I told her I exercise, drink water, get sunlight, don't feel stressed, etc… so am not sure what else I can do.   She asked if I meditate.  The answer is No.  I've done two-1 hour meditations recently but I don't consider that to mean I meditate.  She suggested meditation two times a day for 10 minutes each time. I mentioned that I listen to podcasts while I run/walk now and she suggested even running/walking without distraction as a form of meditation.  This way I won't have to carve out an additional 20 minutes of time in my day.  I'm not sure I'm going to do that because I really like my podcasts but I like the idea of easily incorporating meditation into my life. 

I thought I was doing pretty much everything I could to be healthy so when my doctor suggested mediation I was surprised but I listened.  Meditation could be the thing to help me and it's free!  Thinking outside the box is what's making things work right now.   Or at least doing things differently - I realized  I need to write down a daily schedule so others have some idea of how things should roll.  I wouldn't consider that "outside the box" but it's different from what I'm used to.  This time of change is hard.  The unknown sucks.  I think talking to family and friends, even our doctors, helps us deal and gives us new ideas of how to handle things.  Don't be afraid to speak up!  I am positive you're not alone.  I am positive there is support out there.  It just might seem a little outside the box. 

Oh my gosh. And then I found this quote.  

Is there really a box?

Writing It Down

As intentional as I’m trying to live, I haven’t figured out blog post timing!  I started on a Monday and thought I’d produce a post on Mondays.  But I forgot on the second Monday.  So I wrote one on Friday and posted it.  I forgot to send one the following Friday. So then I thought, well I’ll do it on Mondays.  But today is Wednesday and I'm still trying to get it done!  

I’ve noticed that my Start Today Journal, where I write 5 things I’m grateful for and 10 goals that I have, really makes a difference in the things that I'm aware of on a consistent basis.  For instance, having to come up with 5 things I’m grateful for means I’m looking for those things throughout the day.  The first thing I do when I wake up is pull out my journal.  Ok, maybe it’s the 5^th  (pee, let the dogs out, make coffee, drink water) but I do try to do it first thing.  I come up with 5 things from the last 24 hours that I am grateful for.  This not only starts my day on a good note by thinking about positive things from the day before, it also puts me in a positive state of mind as I look to the next 24 hours. 

I also write down 10 goals that I have.  These are goals I want to make happen in the next 10 years, they are not goals for the day.  For instance, one goal of mine was that I ran an entire 5k.  I say was because I accomplished it when I ran the virtual Crescent City Classic 10k!  I wrote "I ran a 5k" every day for at least 3 months.  I write the goals as if they’ve already happened because it changes the way your mind thinks about the goals.  I had the goal to run a 5k and then I figured out what I needed to do to be able to say “I ran an entire 5k.”  Writing it down,daily ingrained it into my mind.  Another goal is "we went on a yacht vacation."  And as soon as I started writing this, I started seeing opportunities where it could happen. **: 

When thinking about my blog yesterday,  I realized that perhaps I need to write down my plan so I see it daily. If I’m going to make it a habit, like writing in my journal, I need to be intentional about it.  And by the way, I completed my first journal.  I committed to myself to write in my journal every morning and you know what?  I missed a few days since January 1^st but I completed my first journal!  I’m so proud of myself for keeping that commitment to myself.

Now that I've determined Wednesday is the day, and it's in print, you can expect to see blog posts from me every Wednesday whether you want to see them, or not 😎😎😎

** This is the kind of yacht I'm talking about.  I will be writing that goal, every day, for much longer than 3 months!

Choose Joy

Thursday's used to be my favorite day but I think that's changing.  Not that I need a favorite day but you do get asked occasionally, right?  The first Thursday of quarantine Micah hit a wall with being "home schooled." I heard from other parents that their kids did also, all ages and both boys and girls.  It seemed to happen the following Thursdays also.  I also found my patience to be a little lower as the days went on. 

Then yesterday came.  Micah's on Easter Break now so it wasn't him.  It was me.  I went to the grocery store, which I hate doing right now, but I can't figure out timing for delivery.  I wore a mask and it gave me more appreciation for the front line hero's who wear them way longer than 45 mins.  It was tight and I started getting a headache but I talked myself out of complaining because I knew it'd be coming off soon.  They don't get that luxury - Thank You for what you do. 

Then I had to clean all my groceries.  That's just time consuming.  My shopping experience took 2 hours from leaving the house to being done with everything.  Micah had to finish some work that didn't get turned in.  And he didn't want to.  Bobby and I talked on the phone but that didn't go well.  I misunderstood something my mom said.   By 5 I had to take a walk to not start crying.  Yes it's OK to cry, I know that.  But I didn't want to.  By 6:26 I had to change the zoom call info for a call at 6:30 that I wanted to back out of (Thank God I didn't).

And then?  My 6:30 call started with the You Night NOLA Class of 2020 and things got better.  I lead this call and I mostly focus on the ladies who join the call, to make sure they're OK and are enjoying themselves, rather than focusing on myself.  I say "mostly" because I can share also, and I did. I told them about my walk and trying to not cry and wanting to cancel the call (I never would have).  We talk about serious stuff but we also laugh which is so good for the soul.

You Guys, this isn't easy!  I'm trying so hard to be calm and live intentionally and all that.  Sometimes it's hard.

This morning a friend posted on Facebook, asking what has brought us joy this week and I made a list!  Just bam bam bam bam bam (5 things!)  and thanked her for asking that question because yesterday sucked but look - I still have things that bring my joy. 

So, tell me, what brings you joy?

I've heard that Change Is Good.

I've heard that Change Is Good so I'm re-purposing my blog and I guess, because it's mine, I can do what I want. Yay!  

Did you have a good weekend? I did!  I refuse to look at work after 5pm on Friday (more like 3pm if I can, or even 11am if we’re being real 😊).  Friday night I joined a Zoom Bingo night with my Oregon friends and families.  Saturday I rested and reluctantly went to the store, messaging my friend and calling my husband to help me feel ok about doing this.  I also spent an exorbitant amount of time washing down everything I bought, was this necessary?  I have no idea but I did it anyway.  And Sunday I spent more online time with a bunch of friends, all day long!  My last chat was with my husband who is staying at my moms in hopes to prevent spreading germs to us that he’s probably getting while at the fire house.

Things have changed.  It’s crazy and it’s happening to everyone.  It’s almost unfathomable to see that this “virus thing” is impacting the way of life for everyone in the world.  I don’t like giving cancer a capital C because I don’t want cancer to think it deserves one.  And I have a hard time calling this “virus thing” by name because that gives it more power. This tactic might seem silly but hey, you do what you have to do!  My mom has only left the house to drive around the block since this started.  I have cooked every day except for Friday night when I picked up Mexican.  Ole!  It’d been over 2 weeks since I had Mexican food prepared by a restaurant. You know, it’s just better when someone else cooks for you.  I find myself, less and less, ready to respond to someone with “I’ll be right over” or “come pick me up!” because we just can’t do that.  I’ve seen Bobby, in person, for about 10 minutes since he left for the fire house on Saturday 3/14 when I gave him the last hug until this thing is over.  When I spoke to him on Saturday he told me he was off work (yes, OFF) for only 24 hours over the past week.  We missed out on my favorite parade, The Irish Channel Parade.  And we’ll be missing out on a bunch of festivals over the next month. 

However, through all of this, I’ve seen positive things happen to me, personally.  I’ve spent more time with my Oregon friends than I have since I moved to New Orleans.  I’ve spent more time with my mom and son since we’re all home, all the time.  I’ve “gone to church” the past 3 Sundays, which I hadn’t done in a while (bad Kristyn!).  I’ve spent more time with local friends because I have more time to spend with them.  I continue to do my gratitude journal and while I have to search a little harder for things, I still find 5 things to be grateful for every single day.  We’ve spent way less money, I don’t know how much but I know a few things –

1.  I’ve had Starbucks twice in 2 ½  weeks instead of my normal  3-4 times per week. 

2.  We only picked up food once in 2 ½ weeks instead of the normal 2-3 times per week. 

3.  I still have a full tank of gas

4.  I haven’t bought lunch at all

I’ve also seen and heard some pretty amazing things from the world.  Scientists and the medical community are working together to find the cause and create the cure.  People from around the world are supporting each other in love and with prayer.   I’ve heard about less pollution and water becoming more clear.  I’m sure there are others that I can’t think of or don’t know about.

This virus thing is an imposition, to say the least, and I hope and pray that it ends soon.  I’m scared but I’m working to control how I respond to that feeling because I can’t control what the virus is doing.  I can only control how I respond.  I’m taking things one day at a time because I don’t know what changes will come about from one day to the next.  There’s an answer, somewhere, and I know it’ll be found. 

What can you do?  Practice Gratitude!  Find 5 things a day that you’re grateful for and write them down.  Move your body!  Drink lots of water.  Connect!  There are a lot of ways – Face time, google hangouts, you can use Zoom for free for up to 40 minutes, the telephone (say what?!) and I’m sure there are a bunch more ways.  Join a challenge group – I just completed a burpee/push up/squat/jumping jack challenge; today I’m starting the Next 90 Day challenge that is FREE to everyone https://thehollisco.com/pages/next90 and a squat/plank challenge.  Oh yah!  And I’m listening to music!  What are you doing?

But you know, I'm real so here's this:

No news is good news!

First things first, I am almost 5 years cancer free!  In addition to the yearly things, like birthdays and Valentine's day, we'll be celebrating my 5 year mark in February!  I recently saw my Radiation Oncologist and she released me from her care and told me that with Triple Negative breast cancer, once you hit the 5 year mark you're actually less likely to have a recurrence than with other types of breast cancer.  However, I am NOT letting my guard down!  I see my Surgeon and Oncologist every 6 months and then I see my OB/GYN once a year, my dermatologist twice a year (because I had a melanoma) and every time I get a strange pain I get it checked so it's not like I'm not seeing doctors regularly! 
Here is your gentle reminder to get your checkups and if you're having a weird pain that won't go away, make an appointment to get it checked out.  Early detection is so very important. Even better, finding out it's not something bad will help you live a better life!  Think about the stress that you are adding by constantly wondering and worrying.  Take someone with you to the doctor if you're scared.  Call me and I'll encourage you.  A lot of us are at the age where doctors recommend screenings - they do this for a reason!  Ok, rant over :)
I'm switching up the purpose of this page a little.  I will continue to provide updates but I also want to share ventures that I'm a part of.  Business ventures, cancer ventures, life ventures, adventures! 
Oh, by the way, when I was released from my Radiation Oncologists care I had this wave of emotion that I didn't expect.  When I called Bobby to tell him, I could barely get the words out.  Tears are something cancer
has given me.  I wasn't much of a crier, I'm still not a full-on crier, but tears come much easier and it's the weirdest thing for me.  Have you developed any new "habits" due to life experiences?

Fast forward roughly 2 years from my first You Night experience

I have now walked as a You Night Alumni in 3 events.  It's really hard to believe what people say sometimes, until you experience it yourself.  Walking the runway as an Alumni is as great, if not better, than walking for the first time.  I pick my own outfit, make my own hair and makeup appointments, I don't really get training but I'm not nervous.  Ok, maybe a little nervous but compared to my first walk it’s more excitement than nerves.  And everyone is still cheering for ME as I walk the runway!  As an Alum it's not about me but I still get to show my friends and family that "I am not only a Survivor.  I am a Thriver" in the words of Elise Charbonnet Angelette, one of my You Night Sisters.

Some of "My Girls" at their first You Night event as Alums

I was asked to be a Big Sister to the then, upcoming New Orleans Class of 2016.  I had no idea what this meant as I'm not figuratively a big sister to anyone and literally do not have any younger siblings but I said Yes.  I say Yes to everything I'm asked to do related to You Night.  Ruth and I met as participants in the New Orleans Class of 2015 and while we were friends, we didn't become close until we got to be the Big Sisters for the NOLA 2016 class.  We attended the practices, photo shoots and fittings. We texted, emailed, facebooked and called our new sisters with words of encouragement and love.  We even convinced a few to stay with the program.  We answered questions, provided support, wrangled the group to focus instead of gab during practices, shared our stories and experiences.  And through this, Ruth and I discovered we were not only filling a spot in the lives of our new sisters (whom I call "My Girls") we were filling a spot in each others lives that we didn't now was empty.  Ruth and I became so close you'd think we'd been friends our entire lives.  I was truely honored to be picked as a Big Sister and am so thankful for the opportunities it's given me.  The sense of pride I felt when “My Girls” walked on stage was incredible.  Thinking about it now, 10 months after their show, I am getting chills and tears ( I get chills EVERY TIME I talk about You Night.  Every Singe Time).  I love these ladies so much.  

Ruth and I are now the Big Sister Coordinators for the You Night Program.  I know we have to pick the next big sisters for the NOLA Class of 2017 and it's going to be hard because everyone would do an awesome job but it's more that I don't want to let this go!  I want to be The Big Sister For Every Class.  I'm telling myself all the reasons why I can't be The Big Sister For Every Class, reasons like eventually You Night will be 20 years old and I'll be like the mom or Grandma than a sister.  Or that we need to include other women and give them the opportunity to be blessed like we've been.  So, Ruth and I have a plan to keep us involved yet share the opportunity with others.  

You Night has taught me to be selfless.  You Night has given me confidence - I want to share this feeling with everyone.  You Night has taught me that going to the North Shore for events isn't all that bad and that if I go, I know I will leave feeling refreshed, rejuvenated, happy, blessed, loved and grateful that I am a part of You Night.  You Night has taught me to cry tears of joy and sadness and to not be ashamed of these tears.  You Night has given me friends that I didn't know I needed (I say this often) who know things and have experienced things no one should have to know or experience but because we have, we have a bond that can't be explained.  It can only be experienced.  

We recently lost one of our beautiful sisters to breast cancer that metastasized.  I posted on our You Night Facebook page that my house was open if anyone wanted to get together to cry/hug/laugh and a few came over.  We were able to be together to support each other while our friend, and You Night Sister, was in the process of losing her life.  We visited her in hospice and were lucky to have already been together, making the visit a little less scary.  We were able to show our love and support to and for her family.  A group of us attended the Celebration of Life for Jamie and as we were leaving I planned another party to celebrate life.  Why do we wait until it's too late to celebrate our lives?  I want to celebrate life every day.   

                                                                                                                                                                                       

Celebration of Life for Jamie

Jamie, celebrating life

Supporting each other with smiles in between tears

Ruth and me celebrating Halloween

I hate cancer and what it does to people.  But I wouldn’t give up what it has given me for anything.

No excuses!

My first blog post was 3 years ago today.  I can’t believe everything that has happened in the past 3 years. And today, a shooting at Umpqua Community College in Roseburg, Oregon.  I am sad for those who lost loved ones, for those who might never feel safe again because of what they experienced, to those who are impacted in any way.  In a world where so many things can happen to us that we have no control over I am taking this opportunity to urge you to make your annual appointments, mammogram appointments and get anything checked that you’ve been wondering about.  Take control of this one thing and make the appointment with your doctor that you know you need to make. 

In the past 2-3 months I’ve had a colonoscopy, dermatology exam, bone scan, seen my breast surgeon, oncologist, radiologist, dentist, OB/GYN, general doctor, orthopedic surgeon, had several PT appointments and probably a few other doctor appointments that I’m not remembering right now.  You don’t have an excuse to not make one appointment.  I’m not allowing you to have an excuse.

Micah’s Pediatrician passed away recently.  He was 46, a father to 6 kids, husband to a wife that loved him dearly, doctor to a ton of kids and someone that mothers (and probably fathers) could go to and get reassurance that they were doing a good job.  I can’t believe how much this impacted me and I only saw him a few times a year in his office.  He found out about 3 months before he died that he had a very rare cancer.  He’d had some symptoms but ignored them, probably because he was super busy.  His wife started a blog and wow, she have an amazing faith in God.  So did Dr Collins.

I took over a project at work for someone who was going on leave.  I wanted to ask why but didn’t dare because I actually have never met her in person so I had no clue what her leave could be for.  I happened to find out she was going on leave for breast cancer.  She’s 39 and a mother of 2.  It’s a perfect coincidence and I’ve been able to share my story and offer support to her.  I might never meet her in person, she lives in Boston!  I don’t even know what she looks like!  But we now have a bond because of cancer.

Life is weird and confusing and scary.  And great! Tonight Bobby was helping Micah with some flash cards for school.  Too cute!  Helena turns 18 in 8 days.  Wow!  She’s a senior and we’re talking about college.  My mom just got back from a long summer away from us.  This is her 4^th night home, Micah spent the night at her house on her 2^nd night home and will again on her 5th night home.  Court (my brother), Christine, Avery and Courtney are coming to visit for the first time since I’ve lived here.  I received good news at all of my doctor appointments (except maybe the orthopedic dr but that’s not life threatening so I’m counting it as ok).  We are living and enjoying our lives and dealing with the bumps in the road.