Nov 28 and 29

Nov 28 – Yesterday I was thankful for a day of nothing!  I took Micah to school and unfortunately cancelled plans with his Maw Maw (so sorry Mary Lou!) and rested the entire day.  We will make up the missed lunch with Maw Maw since I know those are very important!

Nov 29 – This is going to sound bad but I’m thankful that November is almost over.  I do enjoy sharing with everyone and am thankful for way more than I’ve posted but I did feel a little pressure to stay caught up. I’m thinking, if I do this again, I’ll make a list and post it at the end of the month J 

I’ve had a little bit of nausea this time around but nothing debilitating.  I think it mostly comes when I think about the boxed lunch that gets delivered while I’m in Chemo.  Not sure how to wipe this thought from my mind but it makes me want to vomit every time I think about it.  The box consists of a sandwich (bread, meat and cheese) with a fruit cup and baked chips of some kind.  I only ate this once and will never eat it again.  I’ve had Subway the last 3 times and now that’s starting to make me ill just thinking about it.  I think this deserves a serious WTF?! 

Bobby and I met with Dr. Jones (my surgeon) on Tuesday.  An ultra sound was done and the tumor continues to shrink.  We have tentatively scheduled my surgery for February 6^th – this way I’ll get to celebrate Micah’s birthday, Bobby’s birthday and the Super Bowl.  Unfortunately I’ll miss most of the big Mardi Gras parades and festivities but sometimes you have to sacrifice.  The surgery has to be scheduled within 2-3 weeks of my last chemo which is scheduled for Jan 16^th.  Of course things can change but hopefully they don’t.

Rescue the Tatas is coming together!  We have a bunch of restaurant gift cards, gift baskets, store gift cards and massage gift cards for the raffle and silent auctions.  We even have Saints Tickets!!!  If you’re in town you won’t want to miss this event.

Nov 25, 26 and 27

Nov 25 – I am thankful for the friendships I’ve developed since I moved to New Orleans.   From my first friend in New Orleans to the friendships that have developed at the lamest place to make friends, the cancer center. I am thankful for all that you’ve added to my life. 

Nov 26 – I’m thankful for little bursts of energy, just enough to run to the store to buy some medicine for Micah’s cold. 

Nov 27 – I’m thankful for friendly people because we don’t have to be friendly but it sure makes a difference when we are.

Nov 21, 22, 23 and 24. I’m behind!

Nov 21 –Wednesday morning we met Gabe and Katie for beignet’s at Café Dumond,  I’m not sure what I was most thankful for, the beignet’s, Katie and Gabe, living in a beautiful city where we can drive 10 mins to go do things that people plan vacations around, being able to spend time with friends and family or being able to see Micah eat his first beignet.  It’s nice to have so many things to be thankful for.

 

Nov 22 – Thursday was Bobby and my fourth anniversary.  I’m so thankful for Bobby.  He has patience for me and my high maintenance tendencies, he wore pink in our wedding because he wanted to make me happy, he works hard to take care of our family, he allows me to be me and I feel comfortable being me with him and he gave me a beautiful step daughter and a super cute son.  I know Bobby didn’t ask to have a wife who’d get cancer some day (who would?) but he has surely handled it in a way that has helped me.  He’s come to appointments with me and helped me make decisions but more importantly he’s been my rock, or I like to say my stabilizer.  And he makes me laugh.

Nov 23 – Friday – I am thankful for great friends and family that came together for a delicious Thanksgiving meal (mostly cooked by my mom, don’t ever let her tell you she can’t cook!)  And I’m thankful for my friend Debbie who invited us over on Thursday when Bobby was working.

Nov 24 – Today I’m thankful it’s Saturday and I have nothing to do.  Except get a manicure, watch the Civil War game and go to dinner to celebrate our anniversary.

Nov 20

Nov 20 - I’m thankful this week is a 4 day work week because this week is full of appointments, 6 appointments to be exact.  Yesterday morning I had a bone scan because my hip had been hurting.  The pain was due to something that happened before cancer and chemo but Dr Barnhill wanted me to get it checked.  The bone scan came back with good results – nothing to cause concern and no additional tests necessary. 

Then in the afternoon Bobby and I went and met with Dr. Sullivan, the surgeon who will do my reconstructive surgery (that’s 2 appointments for Monday).  Based on conversations with women who have been through this before and conversations and recommendations from doctors I’ve decided to do a double mastectomy with tissue reconstruction.  Dr Jones, the surgeon who did my biopsy and inserted my chemo port, will do the mastectomy.  At the same time, Dr. Sullivan will “harvest the abdomen” (tell me that doesn’t sound strange) meaning he’ll be getting my tummy tissue ready to move to my breasts.  I will not get implants, Dr. Sullivan will use my tissue to reconstruct both of my breasts. This produces a more natural look and I won’t have foreign substances in my body.  This is an inpatient procedure but I’ll only be in the hospital for 3-4 nights (I’ve requested 4 nights from the get go, give me all the help and care I can get!).  I won’t be able to lift anything over 10lbs for 4 weeks which means I won’t be able to lift Micah and I will have to sleep upright or on my back for 4 weeks. 

Today I had my lab work and check up with Dr. Barnhill.  Everything looks good.  It took her a little longer than last time to find the tumor, which she said she’s not going to call a mass anymore but I can’t remember what she’s calling it.  She is pleased with my progress and my reaction, or lack thereof, to chemo.  I don’t think it’s very common for people to not be sick or have many negative symptoms.  Tomorrow around 2pm CST I will be half way through my chemo plan. 

After I met with Dr. Barnhill I had my psychotherapy appointment with Dr. Weiss (that’s 2 appointments today).  I really like her and I think she’s going to help me a lot, not just to deal with cancer but become a better me.

Tomorrow is Chemo which seems to be an all day affair.  I get Thursday off, as do my nurses and doctors.  Then Friday I go back for my white blood cell shot. And there we go – 6 appointments in 4 days.

I suppose you might wonder why I’ve chosen the double mastectomy route if my tumor has shrunk so much.  Based on conversations with breast cancer survivors who only had the lump removed or who had a single mastectomy, they all wish they had a double mastectomy so they wouldn’t have to worry about breast cancer coming back. And conversations with my surgeon who said the surgeons at the Center for Restorative Breast Surgery are the best in the world and I should take advantage of them being right here in my city.  And because I’m young (I could have 40+ years to live which seems like a really long time!) and have a young son, why worry about breast cancer for the rest of my life?  So, after serious consideration this is the decision we’ve made. 

 

Nov 18 and 19

Nov 18 – I’m thankful for my church.  My church that prays for us, welcomes us and loves us.   My church that is there every Sunday whether we are or not, and doesn’t make me feel guilty if I miss a Sunday.  My church that gives and makes me want to give in return. 

Nov 19 – I’m thankful for my hair.  Oh wait! I don’t have any.  Well, I’m thankful it’ll grow back some day.

Nov 16 and 17

Nov 16 – I am thankful for sunny, blue skies. 

Nov 17 – I’m thankful for manicures and pedicures.  And to think the first time someone wanted to take me to get a pedicure I said no.  Sure I can live without them but I’m thankful I don’t have to.

Nov 15

Nov 15 ^_ I’m thankful for all the people who have helped organize the fundraiser we’re having on Saturday December 15^th.  If anyone else wants to help, let me know. 

Nov 13 and 14

Nov 13 – I am very thankful that I am able to not work during this.  When I say my energy level is low, it really is. I generally wake up feeling rested although sometimes I wake up tired because I wake up before the sun comes up and I can’t go back to sleep.  By 1pm I’m ready for a nap, sometimes before 1, and it usually doesn’t matter what I’ve done in the morning.  I’m not a good napper so I usually just rest.  I have no problems falling asleep at night so Dr. Barnhill said she didn’t want to prescribe a sleep aid because it’ll make me groggy if I take it in the middle of the night (maybe Bobby should request it for me telling her he’d prefer me to be groggy vs. cranky and tired).  So my energy is low and then I don’t always get the sleep I need to start over the next day.   I feel sort of like I’m on the verge of getting sick but thankfully I don’t.  Then sometimes, when I’m sooo tired I actually sleep a little later and feel better when I wake up.  I feel guilty about not working but if I’m afraid if I tried to work 8 hours I’d be worn out all the time and never feel better.  I see why Dr. Barnhill wanted me to stop working and focus on taking care of myself. 

Nov 14 – I am thankful for Health Insurance.   I’m also thankful for my time working at BlueCross BlueShield of Oregon and the experience I gained reviewing claims, benefits and EOB’s (explanation of benefits or claims processing reports).   I added up a bunch of my claims because my EOB’s arrived yesterday.  I have 10 claims, all before my chemo even started (I’m curious to see those charges!) and they total over $33,000.  Because I have insurance my balance is nowhere near that and because I’m double covered under my insurance and Bobby’s insurance my balance is even less.  But the patient balance column is growing and will continue to do so.  So much for the bigger house I wanted! Ha ha 

I’m going to a therapist today.  I spoke to the head of the department last week and explained my sleeping problems and said that “I think I’m fine, I mean I’m not freaking out or anything…” and she replied that “you are not fine, you’re not sleeping!”  This makes a lot of sense.  So while I’m doing ok, not physically sick and not crying or breaking down all the time, I’m experiencing anxiety.  Just wanted to share with you all that I do have some problems, I’m doing ok but maybe I’m not Super Woman!  Although I feel strong and feel OK, I need therapy.  I’m totally OK with that too. 

Nov 12

Nov 12 –I’m thankful for Micah.  My sweet baby boy.  His voice, his smile, his kisses and his hugs, the way he walks (and runs) around the house, the way he gets excited to go to school and the way he gets excited to see me at the end of the day, the way he says our names, even the way he says No.  And I’m thankful that Micah loves me, with hair or not.  I didn’t know being a Mom could be so amazing and I’m so glad I get to be Micah’s Mommy.

 Today is the last day of Danielle’s trip. We’ve had a fun time trying to take it easy yet still venturing out.  I definitely took it easier than I have with any other visitor and easier than I wish I had to. I plan to rest all day tomorrow and am looking forward to the calm.  But I am also grateful that Danielle came to visit and make sure I’m ok.  We haven’t spent this much time together for years and it was fun to catch up.  It makes me sad Portland is so far from New Orleans and thankful for email, phone, facebook, blogs, texts and airplanes.    

My mom put this collage together as a gift for Danielle and me.  I know you might not be able to see the pictures but we'll remember the good times!

Nov 10 and 11

Nov 10 – Yesterday I was, and today I still am, thankful that Danielle came to visit and got up early to make me breakfast.  Thanks Danielle!

Nov 11 - Today I’m thankful that the Saints won.  It’s fun to live in a city where everyone has something in common and especially fun when we all get to celebrate together.

 

Nov 9

Nov 9 – I am thankful for my Dad.  I’m sad he’s no longer here to help me through tough times or for me to call and tell him what I’ve done recently but I’m happy I had the time I did with him.  I miss him all the time, especially right now when I’m going through something he’s been through.  I’m thankful I got to spend as much time as I did with him while he was dealing with his cancer.  I’m thankful we were able to have an adult father/daughter relationship as friends and confidants not just the dad/daughter relationship where he was the authoritative man that made me do chores and grounded me J

 

As for my 3^rd round of chemo, I’m doing well.  I finally got some good sleep last night so hopefully that’ll get me through the morning, then I’ll take a nap before picking up Danielle at the airport.  I know we won’t get to go crazy like we used to but I’m so happy she’s coming to hang out with me!  And I’m so happy I’m not sick so I can actually go do some things.  I just need to figure out how to get around without walking too much or being in the sun. And I need to remind myself that I can’t do everything I want otherwise I’ll be recovering for the next 3 days.  It is so very hard to not push myself to do as much as I used to.  Just sitting in my chemo chair on Wednesday wore me out! 

FYI - I’m trying to update the blog to make it so everyone can comment, not just google users.  I’m also trying to figure out how to send the notifications to everyone when I’ve posted a new entry.  I hope this doesn’t create a ton of emails to your inboxes, my apologies in advance if it does.

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to send out a reminder to the Meals Calendar Kristyn has posted on her blog site.  I know she's really been appreciative of all the meals she's had delivered to the house...homemade or take out.  So a huge thank you to all that have signed up  and delivered a meal already.  But lets try to keep the meals coming for a few more months until she’s feeling more energetic and a little less stressed with everything going on!

I know she's extremely thankful for everyone's continued support!  

  

Nov 8

Nov 8 – I’m thankful for sleep that I didn’t get last night but am hoping to get tonight!  Don’t worry, I was fine I just couldn’t go back to sleep after I woke up.

To answer some questions about what I am going through.

I meet with Dr Barnhill, my Oncololist, the day before every chemo treatment.  First I get some blood taken so they can make sure my levels are where they should be before chemo.  I’m not sure what all they check but so far I’ve passed the tests.  If I didn’t pass the tests my chemo treatment would possibly be pushed out so they can address the issues. 

Then I meet with Dr Barnhill.  I’m not sure the official intent of the meeting but this is what happens – Her and I sit and talk about what I’ve been going through the past 2 weeks.  I ask questions, tell her my symptoms and she takes notes, asks questions and gives me advice.  I make her laugh occasionally, yesterday it was a story I told her about confusing the preparation H and sensodyne toothpaste. And then she does an examination and listens to my lungs and heart. 

I don’t know if everyone meets with their Oncologist before every treatment but I love it.  Some people go in for their lab work the day they get chemo but I prefer knowing that I can come in the next day for chemo. 

I asked about the white blood cell shot and Dr Barnhill said it’s the same concoction every time so my lab work does not play into the shot.  I also told her my hip started hurting again (previous injury, not life threatening just painful.  It can be treated with vicodin, cortisone shot or surgery) and she ordered a bone scan.  White blood cell shots can cause pain in my bones so she isn’t worried but wants to make sure everything is ok.  White blood cells live in our bone marrow, inside our bones, which explains why people complain of bone pain.

Nov 6 and 7

Nov 6 – I’m thankful for family.  For my family, my dad’s family, my moms family and Bobby’s family.  For my cousins who email me or check on me through my mom.  For my aunts and uncles.  For my nieces and nephews who wear Kickin’ It Pink t shirts and pink football gear and for those who don’t too.  For my cousins kids who don’t even know me but do walks for me or in my honor.  For my moms cousins’ kids who pray for me.  I’m thankful for ALL of my family.

Nov 7 – I’m thankful for good drugs... like chemo :) 

Nov 5

Nov 5 – I am thankful for good times that make good memories. 

I guess all my posts don’t have to be long and include pictures J  But for those of you who are wondering, the every other Tues-Wed-Thurs routine starts again tomorrow.  I meet with Dr. Barnhill tomorrow at 9, chemo on Wed and my white blood cell shot on Thurs. Please pray that my luck will continue and I’ll feel better than expected through my 3^rd round of chemo.

Nov 4

Nov 4 – I’m thankful for my friends.  All of you.  I bet I’ll be thankful for you again this month.  It’s not a cop out, it’s true. 

Nov 3

Nov 3 - I am thankful that Adam and Diane got married last night! Congratulations!! I'm thankful for your wedding for many reasons, some selfish and some not. First of all, for a couple to commit themselves to each other and tell the world that they will stick together through the good times and bad is a wonderful thing. Diane you were especially gorgeous and Adam very dapper.

Second, because I was able to attend and brave enough to go bald head and all. Third for Diane's dad, who shared a similar hair style with me and even some styling secrets. For Bobby supporting me and making me feel comfortable whether I wore a scarf, or not. For the Rescue Squad guys and their wives and girlfriends who also made me feel comfortable and who are very fun to attend a wedding with.

I continue to be kind of grossed out by the wigs. Maybe it's the ones I have or maybe it's just me but I feel ill when I put them on. I had a scarf on until about 2 blocks from the wedding, I removed it thinking it would bring more attention to me, more than my bald head! During the reception a little boy looked at me and said "You have no hair!" I said "You're right!" What a sweet heart, it was just cute of him and I know he meant no harm by it so when he asked why I told him the doctors were giving me medicine to get something bad out of my body. That was good enough for him and he ran off to play.

I am self conscious but somehow I’m able forget that I have a bald head. Until I put my hands through my hair that isn't there. Or the thought shoots through my brain and I remember. Or I see my reflection in a mirror. Or I see my shadow (even that looks different, you'd think it'd look the same as a ponytail but it does not.)  There is a bonus to having a bald head – it took me about 20 minutes to get ready versus the usual 1 hour minimum.

Cheers to Diane and Adam!

Nov 1 and 2

I didn’t put 2 and 2 together yesterday but woke up this morning and realized it is November, the month of Thanksgiving.  This is definitely a time for me to remember all the things I’m thankful for and to give thanks.  I’m going to try to say what I’m thankful for every day and I will try not to pull the cancer card if I forget J

Nov 1 – I was, and am, thankful for my ability to have a positive attitude while I deal with a really tough situation.  I could mope around the house and dwell on the fact that I Have Cancer but I’m choosing not to.  I do fear that my positive attitude could kick me in the face and prove me wrong by the cancer spreading but my positive attitude also allows me to put that fear aside and ignore it.

Nov 2 – I am thankful for my mom who is here with us to help whenever and however we need.  Thirty seven years ago she gave birth to me and to this day she continues to take care of me as her baby girl. Sometimes I remind her that I’m almost 40 (holy crap!) and can do a lot for myself but she is relentless and I am thankful for a wonderful, loving, caring and selfless mom. 

A little update

As I sit here watching the CMA’s I am pumped!  (Way to go Miranda Lambert!  I love her music!)  I want to go to concerts and hang out with friends and listen to some good live music!  But it’s probably better that I am sitting on my couch, in sweats, with water.  I’ll have plenty of time for fun. 

I am attempting to walk for exercise and fresh air.  I went for 1 mile on Monday and then went to Made Fit, the exercise class at church, in the evening and overdid it.  So I didn’t walk Tues or Wed.  Then today I went for 2 miles.  It’s tough walking the path I used to run, and even tougher when I think that it actually is tough to walk.  But it feels good to be out there walking.  Here’s a pic from my walk (Lafreniere Park looks pretty nice!):

I’m feeling pretty good, definitely tired but hanging in.  I am going to see my surgeon tomorrow to make sure my port and the tube that is connected to the vein in my neck is ok.  My neck is sore and I want to make sure there’s nothing wrong.   I got a cold sore on my lip, I used to get these but haven’t for at least 6 years (haven’t had one since I moved to New Orleans).  I’ll assume this came from the stress my body is under.  My mouth is feeling raw right now and I’m hoping this is from something I ate yesterday and not the beginning of the mouth sores some chemo patients get.   And my buzz cut is sadly going to be cut shorter because my hair continues to fall out.  I went to Macy’s today looking for scarves but ended up with some super cute red heals instead, oops!  I’m not sure if the scarves you wear on your head are different from the ones you wear around your neck so I’m on a search.  Still not super keen on the whole wig thing but also not sure how I’ll like a slick and shiny WHITE bald head.  I’ve been talking about going for a spray tan for awhile, I might just do it but I don’t think they get your head because most people have hair! 

For those of you who don’t get the Metairie Picayune, I made the front page!  Hot Damn!  Bet you didn’t think I’d ever be on the front page.