What a difference a day or two makes.  I decided to not put my sleeve on yesterday because it made the swelling and pain worse on Monday.  Today I can actually see my knuckles.  I still have pain but I'm starting to wonder if it's due to radiation side effects still occurring, chemo side effects and the white blood cell shot I got on Friday.  I'm wondering and hoping because lymphedema is a dreaded illness.  I won't say I'm off the hook though, I had swelling a month ago and it went down then the swelling came back.  And lymphedema is a risk I'll have for the rest of my life because I had lymph nodes removed.  Monday was definitely a bad day for me and I thank everyone for your prayers and concern.  

I have a check up with my Radiation Oncologist today and I’m going to badger him with questions about radiation side effects and how long they’re going to last.  I’ve been having pain in my left breast since I had my biopsy in February, which is probably normal because of all the treatment I’ve had but I want to make sure it’s normal and not something that needs to be addressed.  Unfortunately I’ve heard the side effects can last years.

  

I haven’t really provided updates on my chemo treatments in a few weeks.  My blood counts were good for my Day 1 treatment on April 3^rd.  For my Day 8 treatment my counts were low, really really low but Dr Barnhill decided to give me a dose dense treatment (I’m assuming dose dense means less of the drugs) and then Friday I went for the dreaded white blood cell shot.  I’ll see Dr Barnhill again on April 24^th for Day 1 treatment again, as long as my counts are ok again.  I’m going to ask about her plan for future treatments since that will be the beginning of my 4^th cycle.

Lastly, it is hard for me to ask for help because everyone has been so helpful already and it is all appreciated.  If you haven’t seen or heard, my friends, family, United Fire Fighters Association and the Bayou Beer Garden are holding another fundraiser for me.  There’s a suggested donation amount of $15 – if you can’t pay that (or don’t want to) I’d still love if you could make it!  I enjoy silent auctions and the chance to bid on cool items and I LOVE seeing friends and family.  If you, or someone you know wants to donate an item or if you have questions you can email me and I’ll put you in contact with the right person (ksmoore2211@yahoo.com).  

Despite a swollen, aching hand I am still able to laugh with my friends! 

swollen hand w/sleeve - no knuckles.

This guy makes me happy too!

Grrr I'm mad

I haven’t really been too upset about the whole cancer thing, I’ve accepted it and my treatments.  I even accepted losing my hair!  Cancer seemed to be a short term bump in the road that I would deal with and move on.  Even when I was given my second diagnosis I accepted it, started treatment and was looking forward to the end of treatment when I could start life over again.  But I’ve got this problem now and I’m not ok with it. 

My left hand is swollen, hurts and honestly looks ugly!  It’s probably lymphedema which is a risk when you have lymph nodes removed and I had 5 removed last year.  I think we have around 20-30 in our armpits so having 5 removed didn't seem like a big deal to me or the doctors.  It looks like my hand is broken, I want to get an xray to make sure it’s not and I think that’s a common desire.  I read a comment from someone who wished she was having heart problems vs lymphedema.  My watches and bracelets are tight.  I can’t even wear my wedding ring and I really like it! 

The treatment for this is a compression sleeve, physical therapy and exercises I can do at home to help move the lymphatic fluid along but there’s no cure.  I have a sleeve that seems to make the swelling worse, my therapist doesn't think I have too much of a problem (I guess the swelling goes down when I see her) and I’m really upset that I have to deal with this, especially if there’s no cure.  And it really hurts.  It hurts to touch my hand, it hurts to type, it hurts to make a fist, it hurts just sitting here. 

So here it is, my attitude is not positive today.  I am mad and sad and hurting.  If you wondered how I was able to remain positive you can stop wondering because today I'm not. 

How quickly I forget and how quickly I'm reminded

With 3 weeks since my last chemo, I started to forget that I was actually being treated for breast cancer.  The first week I had some nausea, the second week it started to go away and the third week it was gone!   And then came Day 1, last Thursday, and I was reminded that yes, I’m being treated for breast cancer.  I received my normal Day 1 chemo cocktail of pre meds (anti nausea medicine) and the two chemo drugs I get, Carboplatin and Gemcytobin.  The actual treatment (chair time, chemo, infusion, it can be called many things) wasn’t bad.  And I think because it’d been 3 weeks since my last chemo the purple box with the lunch they provide didn’t even bother me.  I even went to Cancer Yoga that evening.  And I woke up feeling ok but as time went on I noticed the queezy feeling in my stomach. 

Sometimes I feel guilty for being active, doing fun things, hanging out with friends, etc… but when I think about the alternative I try to convince myself I don’t need to feel guilty.  I think a lot of people going through chemo spend a lot of time in bed but all that does for me is remind me that my stomach hurts and/or that I don’t feel good.  I do have to pay attention to my energy levels because when there’s no energy, there’s no action.  I try to stay busy, possibly too busy and perhaps I should slow it down a little but there’s no guide on how to act while on chemo so I just listen to my body.   And today has been a little rough.  I asked my mom to pick up Micah and come over for dinner because I wanted her to but it turns out I needed her to also.

I go back this Thursday for labs and my day 8 chemo.  I asked and there’s nothing I can do to help keep my white blood cells in the range that allows me to get chemo.  Nothing I can eat or drink, or not eat or drink will help.  Hiding out won’t help.  Taking EmergenC or extra vitamin C won’t help.  And I won’t know anything until I go in for labs on Wednesday.  Even last time, when my counts were off I didn’t feel any different (500 is the lowest my count can be, I was at 400.  Before I started chemo my count was around 4300.) Dr Barnhill told me to think positively for my white blood cell count to be within the right range so that’s what I’m doing.  Feel free to help out J