Monday, April 7, 2014

How quickly I forget and how quickly I'm reminded


With 3 weeks since my last chemo, I started to forget that I was actually being treated for breast cancer.  The first week I had some nausea, the second week it started to go away and the third week it was gone!   And then came Day 1, last Thursday, and I was reminded that yes, I’m being treated for breast cancer.  I received my normal Day 1 chemo cocktail of pre meds (anti nausea medicine) and the two chemo drugs I get, Carboplatin and Gemcytobin.  The actual treatment (chair time, chemo, infusion, it can be called many things) wasn’t bad.  And I think because it’d been 3 weeks since my last chemo the purple box with the lunch they provide didn’t even bother me.  I even went to Cancer Yoga that evening.  And I woke up feeling ok but as time went on I noticed the queezy feeling in my stomach. 
Sometimes I feel guilty for being active, doing fun things, hanging out with friends, etc… but when I think about the alternative I try to convince myself I don’t need to feel guilty.  I think a lot of people going through chemo spend a lot of time in bed but all that does for me is remind me that my stomach hurts and/or that I don’t feel good.  I do have to pay attention to my energy levels because when there’s no energy, there’s no action.  I try to stay busy, possibly too busy and perhaps I should slow it down a little but there’s no guide on how to act while on chemo so I just listen to my body.   And today has been a little rough.  I asked my mom to pick up Micah and come over for dinner because I wanted her to but it turns out I needed her to also.

I go back this Thursday for labs and my day 8 chemo.  I asked and there’s nothing I can do to help keep my white blood cells in the range that allows me to get chemo.  Nothing I can eat or drink, or not eat or drink will help.  Hiding out won’t help.  Taking EmergenC or extra vitamin C won’t help.  And I won’t know anything until I go in for labs on Wednesday.  Even last time, when my counts were off I didn’t feel any different (500 is the lowest my count can be, I was at 400.  Before I started chemo my count was around 4300.) Dr Barnhill told me to think positively for my white blood cell count to be within the right range so that’s what I’m doing.  Feel free to help out J

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