I haven’t really been too upset about
the whole cancer thing, I’ve accepted it and my treatments. I even accepted losing my hair! Cancer seemed to be a short term bump in the
road that I would deal with and move on.
Even when I was given my second diagnosis I accepted it, started
treatment and was looking forward to the end of treatment when I could start
life over again. But I’ve got this
problem now and I’m not ok with it.
My left hand is swollen, hurts and
honestly looks ugly! It’s probably
lymphedema which is a risk when you have lymph nodes removed and I had 5
removed last year. I think we have
around 20-30 in our armpits so having 5 removed didn't seem like a big deal to
me or the doctors. It looks like my hand
is broken, I want to get an xray to make sure it’s not and I think that’s a common
desire. I read a comment from someone
who wished she was having heart problems vs lymphedema. My watches and bracelets are tight. I can’t even wear my wedding ring and I really
like it!
The treatment for this is a compression sleeve,
physical therapy and exercises I can do at home to help move the lymphatic
fluid along but there’s no cure. I have
a sleeve that seems to make the swelling worse, my therapist doesn't think I
have too much of a problem (I guess the swelling goes down when I see her) and I’m
really upset that I have to deal with this, especially if there’s no cure. And it really hurts. It hurts to touch my hand, it hurts to type,
it hurts to make a fist, it hurts just sitting here.
So here it is, my attitude is not
positive today. I am mad and sad and hurting. If you wondered how I was able to remain positive you can stop wondering because today I'm not.
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