Days

My ob found the lump on my 38^th birthDAY.  I received my second diagnosis one year and 2 DAYs after my original diagnosis.  Today I found out I’m 5 DAYs too early.
Here’s the story: I refinanced my car in April and decided to get the disability insurance.  I never would have gotten it before but I got it because I HAVE FREAKING CANCER.  Today the disability insurance company called to let me know that it seems like I might not qualify because there’s a waiting period.  A six-month waiting period and I stopped working five DAYs before the six-month mark.  DAYS!  It’s not that big of a deal, so I have to make my car payment.  I mean that’s what I expected, until I refinanced and was asked if I want disability insurance and I said yes, because I HAVE CANCER.  Are you kidding me?  I don’t even know what the word is – ironic?  Stupid?  Funny?  Lame?  Probably lame because I use that word a lot. 

I also had a call regarding a Social Security claim.  A claim was submitted before by a company my employer contracts with to file Social Security disability claims (I totally don’t understand, so glad this company exists).  I asked if I needed it, I was only going to be out for about 6 months but the person said it’d be good to do it because I’ll have been out for close to two years when I’m done with treatment.  Wow.  Two years?  Yes, I went back to work for close to four months but it’s considered an unsuccessful return to work. 

This all got me thinking.  And almost freaking out.  Cancer, Recurrence of cancer, disability, social security…  I am hearing about things, dealing with things, learning about things that I don’t think I ever thought about having an effect on my life, ever really.  Not even when I am old.
BUT I DON’T EVEN FEEL SICK!  And I don’t want you sad that I’m “dealing with things” because I’m not sad.  I’m just kind of shocked, I guess.  Or in shock.  I guess I’ve been in shock since September 24, 2012.  You, my friends and family, were more mad that the cancer came back than I was.  It could be that being mad won’t change the facts so I just remain in shock.  And still in disbelief.  I mean, while I wait for radiation to start I wonder if I should just go back to work and live as though I don’t, didn’t have cancer.  But that’s silly because I do, did have cancer.  And I don’t want it again!
I generally don’t let these thoughts linger because they don’t matter but… sometimes it feels good to follow the train and see where it takes me.  And there’s always Xanax if I don’t like where it goes J

I’ll be starting radiation on Monday, 12/9.  In total I’ll get 35 treatments, 5 days a week for 7 weeks as long as there are no setbacks.  I guess if my skin gets too irritated they’ll have to postpone treatment.

I hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season.  Bobby and Micah picked up a Christmas Tree yesterday and then we all (Bobby, me, Helena and Micah) went to Celebration in the Oaks at City Park last night.  It was cold but festive and fun to see Micah loving all of it!  We plan to go again so Helena and MIcah can go on the rides.

Tattoos, Cruisin’ and Friends

Bobby and I just returned from our 5^th Wedding Anniversary Cruise, a wonderful and much needed gift from my mom.  The cruise ended in San Juan, Puerto Rico so we stayed there for 2 nights to check out the city.  We enjoyed the relaxing and fun trip but were happy to get home to our family. 

Last week I had an appointment with Dr Kraus, my radiation doctor and an appointment with Dr Barnhill, my oncologist and had a CT scan and got lined up for radiation.  I have 3 new tattoos but they’re kind of lame.  They’ll start to blend in with my freckles and moles but they’re very important, to help line my body up with the lasers and radiation things.  I’m sure once I start I’ll know the actual terms for the ‘radiation things.’

Dr Kraus and Dr Barnhill are very optimistic about everything.  In case you missed the last post, or didn’t understand, the bone, abdomen and chest scan results were good.  They showed no more disease (cancer) in my body.  But I will still complete radiation and chemo.  The radiation will get the area around the location where the tumors were found (my left breast) and the chemo will hopefully kill any remaining disease that might be in my body.

Radiation should start next week and I hope it does because the more things get pushed back the longer I have to deal with cancer! 

People have been asking how I feel and it’s weird to me becuase I feel fine.  I’ve recovered from surgery where they removed the lump and I’m waiting for radiation to begin.  And from what I understand, radiation shouldn’t make me sick but it will wear me out.  Unfortunately the chemo might make me sick but from what I hear, the drugs I’ll be given are not as harsh as the drugs I was given with my first round of chemo. 

We had a very nice Thanksgiving, first at Bobby’s moms house and then to spend some time with friends.  Thank God for friends and family! 

Speaking of friends, I have amazing friends!  My Portland friends surprised me with a fundraiser while I was in town.  The invite went out on Facebook and was planned and pulled off without me knowing or suspecting a thing.  I was in shock for at least an hour after I walked in to the place it was held.  I have always thought I have great friends but I never expected something like this and am so honored that everyone came together to do this for me.  Plus, it was fun to see everyone again since I had already said good bye to some of you.

It's fun to be 6 and 1

High level version:  Scans were negative.  I need to do more chemotherapy after I am done with radiation.

Detailed version:

As I was sitting in the waiting room for my post op visit with Dr. Jones on Thursday I got a call from “No Caller ID” which I’ve come to learn is a call from someone at Tulane Hospital so I answered.  It was Linda, Dr. Barnhill’s nurse telling me that something wasn’t sitting right with Dr. Barnhill so she started looking further into my pathology reports, conferred with other medical experts and has determined that she wants me to do another chemotherapy treatment. 

And then I was called back to get my vitals checked.  Needless to say I wasn’t surprised when my bp was 160 over something.  My normal is somewhere under 120.  We walked to the back, past Dr. Jones’ office and into a exam room so I figured things couldn’t be too bad (we always go in the office when there’s bad news, I told them they need to either always go in the office or always go into an exam room so we don’t know what the news will be) but it didn’t matter because I was just told I’d have to do more chemo.  Still, I was anxious to get the scan results.  Dr. Jones walked in and asked me how I was doing and for the first time through all of this I said “Not Good.”  He examined my incision from the lumpectomy and told me to come back in 2 weeks for another check and I was like, um what about the scan results?  I can tell you my incision looks fine!  So they got the reports, confirmed that the scan results were all negative. Thank God!!!  But more chemo?  Ugh!

Dr. Barnhill went into the office last Friday specifically to see me, and only to see me.  She had been trying to decide if she should tell me before or after our cruise and decided I would want to know before.  She again said that she is treating me like her daughter in this so when I asked about a second opinion or going to MD Anderson she had already considered it and answered all of our questions about this and encouraged me to get a second opinion if I wanted, or do whatever I feel is necessary.  She also said she conferred with someone that she really respects (and says is very wise) about MY cancer and the best treatment for ME. 

I will start radiation the day after we return from our cruise.  Hopefully I can continue with no problems (like skin irritations or blistering) but they are kind of expected.  Once I finish radiation I’ll begin chemo. 

I’ll be on a 21 day cycle where I have chemo on Day 1 and Day 8.  Then day 21 is day 1 again.  It’s hard to explain!  Often times Day 8 can’t be done on the 8^th day because the blood and platelet counts are not right so treatment gets postponed or even started over.  I can’t get the Nulesta shot (the white blood cell shot I got last time) because you have to have that at least 14 days before the next infusion and with this cycle there aren’t 14 days between infusions. The shot would help with the whole blood and platelet issue but it just doesn’t fit here.  Dr. Barnhill said she can probably count on one hand how many people have made it through without the originally planned schedule being altered.  I’m a little confused about the side effects this chemo will bring so I’m trying not to worry about them.  Besides Dr. Barnhill told me I’m not allowed to worry until November 19^th, when we get back from our cruise. 

Onto happier things, the New Orleans Race For the Cure was last Saturday and we had a great day!  The weather was amazing, our team was smaller this year but still a good turnout. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sunday I got to go to the Saints game with Bobby’s sister, Patricia.  She invited me to go with her because it was the Saints Breast Cancer Awareness Day.  Bobby ended up getting a ticket too and it was fun spending the day with him and his sister!  Who Dat!  (this is where the fun, 6 and 1 reference comes into play for those of you who don't follow the Saints or the NFL)

 

 

Logically...

Logic doesn’t work with cancer.  I explained to Dr Barnhill how this logically should work and she said, yes logically that is how it should work.  But cancer isn’t logical. 

I remember writing during chemo about having 6 appointments in one week.  I topped that with 6 appointments in 2 days.  Thursday I had 3 appointments and Friday I had a bone scan (1^st appt), doctor appointment (2^nd appt) and 2 CT scans (3^rd appt).  I’m not complaining, these appointments weren’t difficult but I sure am worn out! 

One of my appointments on Thursday was with Dr. Barnhill, my Oncologist.  She took some time talking with us about the “new” diagnosis and answering questions then she introduced us to Dr Kraus, my Radiation Oncologist.  He is great, another great doctor added to my list of doctors.  He assured us he will treat us, all of us, as his family.  I have his cell number, he hugged me, kissed my mom on the cheek and shook Bobby’s hand.  He said he has no margin for error, that he will radiate me perfectly.  I feel like I’m in good hands. 

The doctors ordered some scans for me because I was unable to get the PET scan.  Now that I’ve had surgery they think we should wait until after radiation for the PET scan so I had two CT scans and a bone scan which we should have the results for on Thursday.  For now, I just have this rocking bruise from the needle and stuff they injected.






 

Oh yes, I’ll share part of a commercial I heard this morning.    I only remember the last statement – The two risk factors for breast cancer are being female and getting older.  Gee, thanks for that awesome information. 

How many setbacks can one handle?

I was hoping to provide an update last Thursday, after I got my PET scan results but I didn’t get a PET scan so I had no results to share.  My insurance was being difficult so I couldn’t get the PET scan but my doctor assured me he’s going to do what it takes to get the scan approved so I’ll probably be getting it in the next few weeks.

I did have my surgery yesterday to remove the tumor.  Everything went well and I came home last night.  This morning I was supposed to meet with my Oncologist but she got a flat tire on the way into work so we postponed that appointment til Thursday. 

I should probably be more frustrated with these setbacks but I don’t know, maybe I’ve learned to accept the things I can’t control (cancer, other people, car tires) or maybe it’s the Percocet that I’m on J 

If you’re going to sign up for the Race for the Cure it’s next Saturday, 10/26.  The last day to signup online is tomorrow, 10/16. The team name Kickin’ It Pink (not Kickin It Pink for Kristyn!)   Bobby and I plan to push Micah in the stroller, I know some people are running and I imagine someone will stay back and hold down the fort so don't try to get out of it by saying you're out of shape because we have every fitness level covered here!  this link should take you to the signup page:

http://www.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/MTR_NewOrleansAffiliate/1769929888?pg=team&fr_id=3386&team_id=275388

Micah and me watching Mickey

Helena at the Sweet 16 her mom threw for her

Nana and Micah















Bobby and Micah

Weird, if you can call it that

I certainly wasn’t expecting to hear what I heard today.  I’m not sure I ever heard it actually.  Dr. Jones looked at me and shrugged his shoulders.  And I said it’s not good?   And he said right.
Well I think that’s what happened.  Bobby was out of town so my BC friend Jolie came with me.  Jolie and I met while I was in the ER with my punctured lung in February.  She also had breast cancer (get it? BC friend) and is a patient of Dr Jones so it was like a big old party.  Except we weren’t celebrating. 

Apparently there are lymphatic vessels that run across the breast and there must’ve been a loose cell in one of my vessels.  And when my OB/GYN said she felt something weird, she was right.  It was the cell, growing into a tumor.  It’s the same cancer, kind of like they missed a piece of it when they did my surgeries.  It’s close the skin.  If my left boob was a clock and you’re looking at me, this tumor is at 4:00.  My last one was at 1:00.  There’s like a 2% chance of recurrence in the breast when you have a mastectomy and like a 5% chance of recurrence when you have a skin sparing mastectomy, which is what I had.  But that’s low and we didn’t expect recurrence. At least not this quickly. 

On Wednesday 10/9 I’m having a PET scan to make sure it hasn’t spread.  I asked Dr Jones if he thinks the cancer spread and he said no, that he didn’t even think the PET scan was necessary but we’re doing it.  On Thursday I’ll go back for the results of the scan and get a biopsy of another mass they’re curious about.  On Monday 10/14 I’ll have the lump removed in an outpatient surgery.  And about 6 weeks later I’ll start radiation.  

I am approaching this with a positive attitude. I am so thankful I’m not doing chemo.  I’m a little nervous about radiation but I have friends who’ve recently gone through radiation and I will lean on them during this.  It sucks to have to do this but It’s kind of like a prolonged treatment.  I had a break and now we’re finishing up. 

However, I will tell you honestly that my fear right now is that I’m dying.  I’ve been assured that I am not.  I think I’ll feel better after I see the PET scan results, which I will get the day after the test instead of a week later like I had to wait for the biopsy results.  Although waiting the week gave the doctors time to discuss my case in the breast conference on Wednesday before seeing me yesterday. 

I sent out an email last week that you might not have gotten because I sent it from my phone.  We are doing the Race for the Cure again so if you’re free on October 26^th come out and join us.  Here’s the link to sign up, team name: Kickin’ It Pink

http://neworleans.info-komen.org/site/TR/RacefortheCure/MTR_NewOrleansAffiliate?fr_id=3386&pg=entry

4-0

It’s the second day of Breast Cancer Awareness Month and it feels like every other day to me. I’m sure that’s because every other day I’m aware that I Had Breast Cancer. And even though I had it, I’ll live with it for the rest of my life. It’s not just the scars, boobs, short hair and doctor appointments either. It’s the thoughts that pop into my head like Oh I’ve had a headache for 3 weeks now, crap I’m supposed to call someone if I have a symptom for more than 2 weeks. Or the, my nose is running. How long has it be running? Crap I don’t know. Or the, did I take my pills today? Should I get one of those old-people pill holders? Or maybe it’s that today was the first day Micah saw my port scar and asked what it was.

It’s hard to believe that 8 months have gone by since I had my last chemo. I’ve only missed one doctor appointment, which was yesterday, and I’ve had A LOT of appointments. Bobby is taking classes 4 nights a week this term, which is a pain for me and him. And in true fashion, I find the positive - I think it’s a blessing because it’s making me slow down. I like to get Micah to bed around the same time every night which means I need to be home early. In turn, I haven’t been able to run myself ragged like I usually do because I’m home close to 6 almost every night (but not EVERY nght!).

I really only have 2 points for writing today. One is that I had a check-up with my Breast Surgeon last Thursday 9/26. It was a follow up from my lesson-teaching bday appointment. The mass they thought was a fat necrosis in June had grown and I think they said had blood feeding it or something. I say“or something” because I thought I knew what they were talking about but I don’t think I did. And I must’ve been subconsciously telling myself to not ask for clarification out of being scared, but I didn’t feel scared. Dr. Jones said “We better do a biopsy.” Hmm ok, still not scared because this is like a normal appointment for me where I have another test before I leave. l was ‘fine’ until I left the office, walked past the spot where Bobby and I stopped to hug after my diagnosis only 367 days before and to my car. I got in, started to drive away and felt something on my cheek. It wasn’t just a tear, it was the first of many that came in a short burst before I pulled myself together. After all, I was driving and meeting some friends for lunch. We agreed, it can’t be Cancer. Not this soon. Certainly not this soon. But maybe. Crap, I won’t worry. I won’t tell people. I will tell a few people, how can I not tell my friends I’m meeting for lunch?! And my husband. And my friend who randomly answers her phone THIS time when I call. And my mom. And now I’m telling everyone but only because I find out the results tomorrow and I’d rather tell you Everything is OK! Than to tell the story starting with my bday appointment.

The other reason for writing is because it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month. If you notice somethingweird get it checked. If you just read that and thought to yourself that I told you that last year, You’re Right! So get it checked! Wouldn’t you rather know?