Now THIS is a good assumption

 

I often send myself an email when I want to remember something.  When I open my email in the morning I'm usually surprised to see an email from myself so I actually open it (chemo brain - you know that meme where you can't find your phone yet you're talking on it?  That's me). 

As I sit here thinking about a comment someone made, I realize I need to read my email again.   I'm thinking about this particular comment because I read it negatively and I want to correct the person.  But what if they didn't mean it negatively?   

It's hard because I really want to correct the person!  Maybe they'd use a different word if they understood.  Or would they? 

I can't be the only one who needs this reminder.  But I definitely need it so maybe you do also.  

What if we assumed everyone else around us had good intentions.  What if we went about our days with that assumption? Our days will be better if we assume good intentions!  (Who cares what "they" say about what it means to ass-u-me?)  

For the comment that I read negatively, I'm just going to assume the person used a word that doesn't fit my understanding of the situation but had good intentions.

What's Normal?

 

I heard some super basic stuff recently that is actually not basic, it's profound.  I was listening to a podcast and they started talking about this being the new normal.  

Whatever "this" is. 

 

Except "this" is it.  

I mean, some things change a little here and there (or a lot).  But we've now been wearing masks, washing our hands or using sanitizer All The Time and social distancing for like 4 months.  

Shoot, we're on our 5th month!  

My days should be fairly consistent and I guess they are but I've been waiting for the new normal to arrive to actually cement my routine and say "yes, this is my life."   

I might not like it but I AM experiencing the new normal.  After all, I've been doing pretty much the same thing for 5 months thinking I'll go back to "normal" eventually. 

 

  

I came across this statement and, gosh, isn't it true?  Why are we waiting for "normal" to come back?  It's here.

 

And I think, wow.  That's it.  It's good, it's bad, it's boring, it's hard, it's fun, it's routine.  And it's beautiful.  

So let's stop waiting and start living!

It sucks

 

Like it or not, covid has given us the time to slow down and really feel the feelings.  Of course feeling the good feelings is something that's easier to do.   But it's also given us time to slow down and feel the bad feelings. 

 

Since having cancer I feel like I'm constantly meeting other people who've had cancer.  Before I received my diagnosis it seemed rare to meet someone who'd had cancer.  Now cancer seems all to common. 

 

I've learned a few things about cancer.  The biggest for me is that a cancer diagnosis is not necessarily a death sentence.  Did you read that?  A cancer diagnosis does not, in itself, mean the person will die.  There are some cancers that have a bleak outlook, but there are some that can be cured (like mine). 

 

Along with meeting more people with cancer, some that I've met have to deal with the news that their cancer has metastasized.

 

Stage 4, or cancer that has spread or metastasized, is bad.  I'd never deny that or pretend to know what it feels like.  I can only imagine that it sucks, big time.  UGH.  The encouraging thing I've seen through all my "cancer friends" is that you can live as a stage 4 cancer Survivor.  They'll always be on treatment and the hope is that the treatment is working.  

 

The reason I bring this up is that I've had 2 friends in the past 3 weeks hear that their cancer has metastasized.  Two young friends (around my age. I'm young right?).

 

I ask that you pray for my friends and all cancer survivors.  Help them find a community of others who are faced with similar situations.  Donate a little to help ease the financial burden if you'd like to.  

Kelly's friends set up a gofundmepage https://gf.me/u/yn6r8z

Elizabeth's friends are selling magnets and bracelets

Do NOT feel sorry for us!  We are strong, powerful women and we are all cancer THRIVERS!

Say What?

Did you know I have a blog?

I want to share it with you! 

  

 

Kickin It Pink For Kristyn started as a way to share my cancer journey with friends and family and has turned into a way for me to share uplifting ideas, encouraging words and add some positivity (or ways to increase the positivity) to our lives.  Check out my first post of Kickin It Pink For Kristyn with the new purpose I've heard that change is good

I love this 

Fragile like a bomb

*

Are you fragile like a bomb or a flower?  I don't want to be fragile like a bomb that's going to explode so let me explain what I think this means. 

 

Many flowers are fragile in the sense that they can fall apart with a small breeze.  Do you fall apart at the simplest things that get in your way?    It's easy for our human brains to grab ahold of the things that hold us back, like the opinions of other people.  So remember this: 

 

 Being fragile like a bomb that has the power to have a huge impact when it is detonated, or when you are putting your ideas in motion, is the kind of fragile I think is referenced with this quote.  And remember that small steps can have big impacts!  

 

 

I also think being fragile like a bomb has something to do with sticking to what you believe in. Do the right thing with integrity so you can sleep at night.

 

oh my goodness wasn't he precious, sleeping without a care in the world!

*This particular photo is of a t shirt being sold on etsy, totally unrelated to this blog*

You're not alone

Did you know you're not alone?  Like really, you're not alone.  I'm not talking physically alone, I'm talking about experiencing things that you experience. 

 

You might not know the people with the shared experiences. 

 

You might be surprised WHO has the shared experiences.

 

You might not be surprised who has the shared experiences.

 

The point is, we all have shared experiences and most of us are too afraid or embarrassed to share them but I'm telling you, you are not alone. 

 

How do I know?  Because every time I mention something that's going on with me (a weird twitch, smelly armpits, cancer, side effects of medicines, frizzy hair, the list goes on…) someone else has experienced it or knows someone else who has. 

 

Are you asking yourself, what's the big deal with this?  Let me tell you!  There are a few reasons why it's important to know you're not alone:

Just knowing someone else has experienced the same thing is reassuring 

            There IS someone you can talk to.  When I was going through breast cancer, I had "my person" that I would text at all hours of the day or night who had gone through the same thing.  Another friend put us in touch with each other.  Knowing it's normal, even if it sucks, to experience certain things helped me to be more accepting of my experience.   

The more I talk about things, the more suggestions I get for how to combat or deal with things.  Hopefully it won't require this many flowers :)

Have you ever wanted a referral from someone who had experience with a provider, medical or otherwise, but didn't know how to go about getting it?  Ask around!

And remember, when someone tells you about something going on in their life, be nice.  You might not understand or have experience with it yourself but if they're telling you, they need to talk about it. 

funk - /fǝNGk/

5-4-3-2-1 and BAM! Get out of the funk.  But dang it, sometimes I want to sit in the funk for a bit!  And I think that's ok as long as I am aware of what I'm doing.   I also think a time limit is good to have so that I don't wallow for too long because honestly, aren't our funks often meaningless?  And don't they often cause undo problems like arguing or wasting time just being mad?

 

Roughly 111 days ago I was so busy going from one thing to the next that I didn't need to acknowledge my feelings or figure out where they were coming from.  And now, after a few months of being home and making time to intentionally do things like journal, read, deciding what I really want to be doing or how I want to spend my time (tv, social media, walking, etc…), paying attention to my moods and more importantly WHY I am in the mood I'm in, I am acknowledging my feelings.  I'm looking deeper into why I feel a certain way.  It's much easier to solve a problem when you know what it is.  I'm not saying it's easy or fun all the time!  But in the big picture, I'm happier.  I can see when I need to listen or stop talking.  I can see where I want to make changes and I'm taking the time to figure out HOW to make the changes. 

 

Sometimes Bobby makes me mad. Go figure :)  But me being mad doesn't help anything and I know this.  Bobby certainly doesn't want me mad.  (Trust me.  I know you don't believe this but I'm not always fun to be around!) I know I've consciously talked myself through being mad and consciously accepted being mad and then consciously told myself it was time to change my mood and 5-4-3-2-1 BAM! I move and make myself change my mood.   

 

Let me give credit where credit is due.  Mel Robins has a 5 Second Rule.  I haven't even listened to, or read, much about her 5 Second Rule but I get the gist.  Mel says "The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you."  I'm going to research this more to make sure I'm using the rule correctly but even if I'm using it wrong, it's working!

How do you get yourself out of a funk?

 

We all need a little patience

When Helena arrived home for the funeral of her cousin, Edi Lara, Jr* who died unexpectedly at the age of 26, she asked what I planned to wear to the service. 

 

Helena arrived home on Wednesday and the service was on Friday.  Her clothes are packed away for the summer and her outfit question was valid. Even Edi’s sister needed to go shopping since she arrived in sweats, coming from Maryland.  My response was, “That’s 2 days away.  I am strictly one day at a time these days.”  I mean, how do you plan when things change on a daily basis?  

 

You certainly don’t plan an untimely death of an amazing 26 yr old family member or friend.  You don’t plan for your parent to be diagnosed with cancer (just so you know I’m not referring to my mom but it’s still horrible).  You definitely don’t plan for your own diagnosis (again, someone I know.  Not myself.  But again, it’s horrible).  I did not plan for a pandemic.  I didn’t plan riots or tropical storms. 

 

I’m not going to ask “what’s next” or “what else” because I don’t want to know.  Can't we all use a little patience (for real, click the youtube link!).  I guess that's the skill I'm learning through this.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc

Ok, so maybe the song doesn't completely match the patience I am learning but I love this song. 

*We are deeply saddened about the loss of a great guy.   I really don’t think I ever heard a negative word about Edi.  I only met his dad’s side of the family on a few occasions so I would forget that we weren’t his only family and would invite him for holidays and Saints games.  When he declined, he was always respectful and it was usually because he was going to his (paternal) Grandma’s house.  I also know he’d stop by and call his (maternal grandma) MawMaw to check in.  He was raised right and it’s tragic that he’s gone. 

Should I Pinch Myself?

I was invited to attend the recording and filming of a bunch of local artists coming together to record their version of Purple Reign by Prince.  The recording is for the You Night 2020 Purple Reign - Let Love Reign virtual runway show.  When you are forced to pivot and you do it with open eyes, open heart and open mind the possibilities are endless. 

Whoa.  Wow.  Should I pinch myself?  I felt like I was watching the filming of “We Are The World.”  OMG I didn't know I could have goosebumps for 3 hours straight and I still have them!  It was so powerful to hear them sing the chorus the first time, and every time after.  To see musicians work together - and sing their hearts out - amazing.  

Dalila Seruntine (singing) with Groovy 7 put this whole thing together

Music brings us together.  I wonder if they realize the impact they have on the world.  I remember meeting Walter 'Wolfman' Washington and telling him that he's famous and he laughed and said "Oh I don’t know about that!" All of the artists had that same air about them last night.  I don't think they knew exactly why they were meeting and maybe didn't fully understand, even after we explained, but they showed up ready to sing.  And when we told them the song was going to be used for a cancer survivor runway show, we became the stars. 

Kindness Matters

Every morning since the beginning of September I've written down at least 5 things I'm grateful for.  By starting the day reflecting on the good things from the day before I've become more intentional about looking for things to be grateful for. Yesterday I read a post on Facebook with pictures of random acts of kindness and it got me thinking, not only should I be looking for things to be grateful for but I should be looking for things that I can do for others, giving them something to be grateful for. 

 

It’s hard to come up with things that I've done recently because I haven’t been out in public much but here are a couple of things I've done in the past:

 

• I've made a few trips to Starbucks over the past 3 months.  Knowing my mom likes her Tall 1 shot Americano's but hasn't been going to Starbucks, I picked her up coffees even though she didn't ask (#1 daughter!)

 

• We always drive the same route to Jazz Fest and one day I decided to bring breakfast for the guys standing at the corner.  Among other things Jazz Fest related, I missed the opportunity to do this in 2020.

 

• Micah eats his breakfast in the car on the way to school.  Sometimes, for whatever reason, he doesn’t eat it. I started giving it to a man on a corner.  Now when Micah doesn’t want to eat his food he tells me to give it to a homeless man.  Kind of back fires on me because he’s not eating but totally worth it to give something away.  And I love that Micah thinks of it.

 

 

Here are some ideas of things to be grateful for and things you can do to make someone else's day better:

 

• Let someone in front of you  while driving
• Hold the door for someone
• Take someone's cart from the parking lot to the door as you're walking in (it drives me crazy that I can't do this right now! But I don't want cooties!)
• Pay for the order of the person behind you in line (if you have the funds!)
• Pick up something that someone has dropped (again, cooties…  be careful)
• Say hi! 
• Compliment a stranger

 

 

 

I know, there is a TON of bad, negative, sad stuff going on right now but what I’d love to do is add to this list with our own acts of kindness.  Please share what you've done and give us ideas of what we can all do!

Check out these Random Acts of Kindness

I'm still learning

I don't understand why some people think the color of someone's skin makes them better, or worse, than the other.  To try and understand what exactly racism is, why racism exists and what to do about it, I reached out to some friends for some reading suggestions.  I need to learn and grow.  I need some history. I think I failed to pay attention to anything other than boys when I was in high school and if my dad were here, I'm sure he'd agree.  One thing I know is, it is never to late to learn.

My plan is to do my best to learn, to understand and to support.  I'd like to say that my circle is well rounded.  I'd say I have a decent amount of black friends. I think I respect everyone.  I dislike racist words and behaviors.  But I don't think that's enough.    At this point, I'm not sure how to show my support but I intend to find out.

I plan to watch I Am Not Your Negro

Book recommendations from friends:

The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

Race Matters by Cornell West

The Souls of Black Folks by W.E.B. Dubois

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

White Fragility by Robin J DiAngelo

If you dislike this post, I think it's safe to say you can definitely not comment and absolutely feel free to unfollow me.  

I saw this beautiful flower on my walk today and thought you needed to see it too. 

Be Funky & Stay!

This is not about whether you should, or shouldn't, wear a mask when out in public.  It's about two other things - how you treat other people and my different personas with my different masks. 

The first few times I went to the store since we've had our stay at home order, I was nervous about being around people in public.  I've gotten a little more used to going out, wearing a mask and dousing myself with hand sanitizer multiple times throughout my trips.  I've also determined which stores are worth waiting in line to get in, Trader Joe's is one.

We needed milk on Monday so I ventured out to Trader Joe's.  While waiting in line, with my mask on, I noticed a couple in front of me who were not wearing masks.  I noticed this and then minded my own business while waiting to get into the store.  All of a sudden, the lady in front of the couple decided she needed to loudly comment "Shut your trap. You don't even have masks on!"   I didn’t hear anything before this so I don't have a clue what prompted her to say this but she was all I heard and I just thought "Wow.  Ok. That doesn't seem necessary."  

After the lady went in the store, an employee thanked the couple for remaining calm.  This employee had a mask on yet she thanked the mask-less couple rather than congratulating the mask-wearing-and-comment-making lady.  Once inside the store, I noticed the masked lady staring back and glaring at the couple.  Did she forget that all we can see our each others eyes?  And hers were not smiling.  

Who made this lady the authoritative figure of Trader Joe's?  She certainly did not "prove" herself to anyone.  I am guessing she doesn't own the store since she also had to wait in line to get in.  What stuck out to me, more than a couple of people without masks  is how rude and self righteous this lady appeared by how she was acting.  She made herself look worse than the couple without masks on.  

I have three masks that I choose between that were all given to me by Bobby (thanks!).  The first mask  is a P95 Respirator mask.  The second is a surgical mask.  And the third mask I received is a fire department mask. When I wear the P95 mask, I feel like I'm a scientist.  When I wear the surgical mask I become a surgeon.  Side note:  The first time I wore the surgical mask, I had to google how to wear it to make sure I didn't look like a fraudulent surgeon who doesn't know how to wear a mask!  When I wear the fire department mask I represent the firefighters and become Bad to the Bone.

As I thought of the title for this post, immediately I thought of "Be Nice or Leave" but that's not very nice!  Instead, in the words of Dr Bob I say, "Be Funky and Stay!"  Whether you become a surgeon, first responder, scientist or a wanna be, what you should NOT be is rude to others who are different from you.  

So you think you can dance

Three flowers!

I remember, very well, being on a happy hour zoom call with 2 friends back at the beginning of the pandemic.  I held up a nearly dead plant and said I had started watering it and was going to save it.  We all laughed.  And today, roughly 60 days later, I have a healthy plant with beautiful green leaves and 3 (THREE) flowers!  

You know what else I've done?  I'm so excited about this!  A few months ago I was writing "I took a creative arts class" as one of my goals.  Then I changed it to "I took a hip hop dance class."  As I researched this, and by researching I mean I asked my friend Joyce where I could talk a hip hip dance class, I came to the conclusion I might never reach this goal.  Joyce has choreographed some dances for You Night and also taught us a dance at our Leadership retreat.  She recommended a few resources and the more I looked, the more I decided I probably wouldn’t actually  go to a hip hop dance class, mostly because of time but also because of my insecurities.    I definitely had a limiting belief that this white girl can't dance.  This was all in January.

On Saturday, April 4th I hosted my first Saturday Morning Dance Party on Zoom.  We find dances online and learn them, or do our best.  We get our 30+ minutes of exercise, we laugh at each other and ourselves and we're learning dances.  We started with RIGHT FOOT NOW LEFT FOOT TIK TOK  and have since attempted The Electric Slide, The Chicken Dance, The Git Up by Blanco Brown and any other wedding reception dance song we can think of.  Last Saturday we stepped it up and started learning a Janet Jackson dance.  I'm so excited and proud of myself.  I realized I'm not only learning hip hop dances but I'm hosting my own class!  I knocked that limiting belief out of the park!

From <https://www.instagram.com/tv/B_f0PSDFVsF/>

In the beginning.  I think it'd already been watered a bit

First flower!

Two Flowers!

Challenges

During this quarantine time where we can't really do much outside the home, I've been taking on challenges.  I am trying to plan how I will continue challenging myself once the world reopens.  I know I can do it but it might take time to figure out when.  After all, we're 51 days into quarantine and I still haven't figured out what time I should get up when I don't have to be anywhere.

  

I'm doing the Next 90 Days Challenge which is free.  We're 44 days into this one but you can still start. https://thehollisco.com/pages/next90 Practice Gratitude, move 30 mins a day, drink the water, give up one food item/group for 30 days and get up 1 hour earlier (this was so much easier when I had to go into the office!) to help us live intentionally and with joy.

I'm starting the Start Over Challenge with Dean Graziosi and Tonny Robbins.  This starts today so I don't know yet what I've gotten myself into! www.startoverchallenge.com

My friend Rikki has shared a few of the workout challenges.  Check her out on Facebook   https://www.facebook.com/groups/girlonfirecoach/   and her website:   https://www.girlonfirecoach.com/   The first challenge I participated in was a push up, squat, jumping jack and burpee challenge.  Ugh I made it through to the end.  Right now I'm doing a lunge, Russian twist, squat jump and push up challenge.  I decided I'd do the lunges, squat jumps and push ups in the church parking lot that I walk by. 

There are two parking lots.  One for lunges...

  

I've made up a story about what people must think when they see me doing squat jumps and lunges by myself.  People must think "wow she must be an athlete doing her drills."  You guys, they probably don't even notice me.  Right?  I'm trying to think where this mindset came from and I've decided it stems from the non-cancer related surgeries I've had.  Right shoulder surgery, right wrist surgery, left wrist surgery and two surgeries on my right hip.  If you read that and didn't know me, wouldn't you think to yourself, "she must be a football player!"  Again, probably not but let me tell you, making up these stories helps me get through these crazy challenges that I've decided I should do.   

The second parking lot is for squat jumps and push ups.  I've finished!

What do you think about when you do workouts you don't want to do?  How do you get through tough workouts?  I've been learning that you don't necessarily have to be motivated, you have to create habits that propel you to do certain things.   So I've created habits that work for quarantine and I will have to create new habits for when we can go places again.  All of the habits are works in progress because our lives our constantly changing and I think they will for awhile.  I believe that all of these challenges I'm doing are helping me create habits that will help me grow, whether we're in quarantine or not.

I looked down and found blood on my arm! This picture is after I wiped some off.  Only a true athlete would randomly find blood on their arm, right?

Boxes

Speaking of boxes, outside and inside, we just Jazz Fested in Place with the boom box I did my best to replicate with the paints I bought for Micah.  I wanted to paint something and decided to see how I'd do.  I am proud of my work!  It's no masterpiece but it looks pretty good and it added to the Jazz Fest ambience in our yard.  I moved from the front yard, to the drive way to the back patio.  I listened on the radio because the radio didn't have to buffer. I moved my chair, boom box painting, and portable karaoke speaker with me for 8 days. 

At first I thought it was going to suck and I'll admit I really wished I was at the fair grounds but I do believe that the ending was less difficult.  As the music ended I realized I wouldn't have to take the long walk out of the fair grounds and away from the festival.  I'd still prefer that!  But I found a positive.  And I can look forward to Jazz Fest 2021, which I will do for about 320 more days. 

It's also Thursday, not Wednesday.  Let's think outside about that too,

Think outside the box

I've noticed that my right eye twitches and that my teeth hurt, which I think is from my tongue pushing on them out of anxiety or stress or something.  I have had minor anxiety since my cancer diagnosis and have been on some form of medication since then.  Every now and then I'll call my doctor and ask her to change the medication or dose.  I met with her today to figure this out so I told her I exercise, drink water, get sunlight, don't feel stressed, etc… so am not sure what else I can do.   She asked if I meditate.  The answer is No.  I've done two-1 hour meditations recently but I don't consider that to mean I meditate.  She suggested meditation two times a day for 10 minutes each time. I mentioned that I listen to podcasts while I run/walk now and she suggested even running/walking without distraction as a form of meditation.  This way I won't have to carve out an additional 20 minutes of time in my day.  I'm not sure I'm going to do that because I really like my podcasts but I like the idea of easily incorporating meditation into my life. 

I thought I was doing pretty much everything I could to be healthy so when my doctor suggested mediation I was surprised but I listened.  Meditation could be the thing to help me and it's free!  Thinking outside the box is what's making things work right now.   Or at least doing things differently - I realized  I need to write down a daily schedule so others have some idea of how things should roll.  I wouldn't consider that "outside the box" but it's different from what I'm used to.  This time of change is hard.  The unknown sucks.  I think talking to family and friends, even our doctors, helps us deal and gives us new ideas of how to handle things.  Don't be afraid to speak up!  I am positive you're not alone.  I am positive there is support out there.  It just might seem a little outside the box. 

Oh my gosh. And then I found this quote.  

Is there really a box?

Writing It Down

As intentional as I’m trying to live, I haven’t figured out blog post timing!  I started on a Monday and thought I’d produce a post on Mondays.  But I forgot on the second Monday.  So I wrote one on Friday and posted it.  I forgot to send one the following Friday. So then I thought, well I’ll do it on Mondays.  But today is Wednesday and I'm still trying to get it done!  

I’ve noticed that my Start Today Journal, where I write 5 things I’m grateful for and 10 goals that I have, really makes a difference in the things that I'm aware of on a consistent basis.  For instance, having to come up with 5 things I’m grateful for means I’m looking for those things throughout the day.  The first thing I do when I wake up is pull out my journal.  Ok, maybe it’s the 5^th  (pee, let the dogs out, make coffee, drink water) but I do try to do it first thing.  I come up with 5 things from the last 24 hours that I am grateful for.  This not only starts my day on a good note by thinking about positive things from the day before, it also puts me in a positive state of mind as I look to the next 24 hours. 

I also write down 10 goals that I have.  These are goals I want to make happen in the next 10 years, they are not goals for the day.  For instance, one goal of mine was that I ran an entire 5k.  I say was because I accomplished it when I ran the virtual Crescent City Classic 10k!  I wrote "I ran a 5k" every day for at least 3 months.  I write the goals as if they’ve already happened because it changes the way your mind thinks about the goals.  I had the goal to run a 5k and then I figured out what I needed to do to be able to say “I ran an entire 5k.”  Writing it down,daily ingrained it into my mind.  Another goal is "we went on a yacht vacation."  And as soon as I started writing this, I started seeing opportunities where it could happen. **: 

When thinking about my blog yesterday,  I realized that perhaps I need to write down my plan so I see it daily. If I’m going to make it a habit, like writing in my journal, I need to be intentional about it.  And by the way, I completed my first journal.  I committed to myself to write in my journal every morning and you know what?  I missed a few days since January 1^st but I completed my first journal!  I’m so proud of myself for keeping that commitment to myself.

Now that I've determined Wednesday is the day, and it's in print, you can expect to see blog posts from me every Wednesday whether you want to see them, or not 😎😎😎

** This is the kind of yacht I'm talking about.  I will be writing that goal, every day, for much longer than 3 months!