Jan 30th

Today is the first, second Wednesday since October 10^th that I am NOT going to the Cancer Center for my chemo treatment.  I won’t be seeing my chemo nurses.   I won’t be getting sprayed with freeze spray and then stuck with a needle in my port.  I won’t be getting a crazy feeling in my head from the straight shot of Benadryl.  I won’t be sitting in my green ‘lazy boy’ for 5-6 hours.  I won’t be dragging my IV with me to the bathroom.  But I will be having lunch with Jerry, a lunch that will NOT include the sight of a purple box containing a ham or turkey sandwich, baked chips and a soda.  And we will celebrate all of the things we aren’t doing today.

The countdown to my surgery date started about 45 days ago and I’m down to 6 nights before I go in for the biggest surgery of my life.  It’s estimated to take 5-6 hours, including 2-3 hours where two doctors will be working on me, in different areas of my body at the same time.  So that’s more like 7-9 hours.  Bobby has decided he’ll wait at the hospital the entire time (Crazy!  But sweet!)  and I’m sure my mom will be there while she can.  Bobby plans to stay with me as much as possible and my mom will probably come by during the day and bring Micah by to say hi either in the morning or evening, or both, but he’ll continue to go to school and we’ll try to keep things ‘normal’ for him. 

I have no idea what to expect except from what I’ve read on breastcancer.org.  There’s a forum that was started a few years ago, full of women who have either come to New Orleans, to the Center for Restorative Breast Surgery, for their surgery or are preparing to come here.  There are women from all over the US and Canada who come here for their first surgery, second surgery, to fix surgeries by other doctors and the list goes on.  Some of the info I’ve read is encouraging and some has freaked me out.  Good thing I had a therapy appointment on Monday to calm my anxiety, or at least to help me deal with it.  The one thing that remains constant is that everyone loves the doctors and staff at the Center. 

Monday 2/4 I will be in pre-op appointments ALL day.  And then Tuesday 2/5 my surgery begins at 7am. 

My life will change (more than it has).  Sometimes (when I don’t think about things) it’s no big deal and sometimes it seems like the biggest thing in the world.  I guess the upcoming surgery is most similar to having a baby when you know your life will change in EVERY way.  Except, hopefully, I’ll be getting closer to ‘normal’ in less than 18 years J 

To prepare for this life changing event, this past week has been filled with a lot of activity.  Micah’s 2^nd birthday was on Friday.  He had cupcakes at school (and in the morning!) and we had pizza and cake in the evening. 

 

I put the cake in front of him and he tried to grab it.  Oops. His hand is covered in frosting!

 

Saturday we went to a wedding.  I hope this is the last time I have to go to a wedding with a bald head.

 

 

Bobby picked my princess hat for these pictures.

 

 

I should wear this veil all the time!

 

 

 

 

The after party was at the Bulldog and in true Bobby-fashion, we were among the last few to leave the party. 

This is a picture of what Micah and I do every morning.  Cuddle, drink coffee and milk and watch Mickey Mouse.

 

My Last Day

I wondered if I should have a party for my last day.  I wondered what other people did for the last day of chemo.  But how do you find out?  And come to think of it, if anyone had a last day while I was in chemo, I never knew.  So I wondered but never said or did anything about it.  My mom dropped me off and I went and sat in a different chair so I could sleep (which I didn’t) next to Jerry. 

Around 11:30 I see Katie walk in, unplanned, with a bag of goodies!  Cake, candle, sparking cider and a hat for me!  Then a little later my mom walked in with my lunch and… some pink balloons!  These two totally pulled one over on me!  Planned it the night before and I didn’t have a clue.  I loved it!  I heard another lady comment how I had a big smile on my face when my mom walked in.  Bobby came too although he wasn’t in on the surprise either. 

That celebration was fun and then a little later all the nurses gathered around one lady and were singing and dancing and celebrating her last day.  There were four of us whose last day was Wednesday and we all got to celebrate with the nurses. 

It’s Tuesday now (1/22) and I still have a little pain in my legs from the last chemo treatment but all in all I’m accepting of it because I know it’s my last time to deal with it (it’s hard to say that – I know it’s my last time – because I don’t  want to jinx myself.  I guess this is the beginning of the rest of my life where I  assume any pain or strange thing is cancer). 

Here are a few of the things I’m dealing with going through chemo and having cancer.

I shaved my head with my razor and I tell you, I think it makes me look like I am bald and have cancer.  Duh right?  But seriously, getting rid of that little bit of stubble seems to make a big difference in my mind.  And now the peach fuzz is getting longer.  I want to shave it but what if the peach fuzz is the beginning of my hair growing back and I set myself back 2 weeks?

My temperature is 96.9 (my normal is 97.6) and I’m having a hot flash.  I’m sitting here, in the living room, a few minutes ago I was freezing, now I’m sweating!  This happens on the couch, in bed, in public, everywhere!  I can’t tell if my house is cold or hot so I have to ask others. 

I have a sparsely populated lower eye lash line.  Sounds weird but there are areas where there’s no hair and other spots where there is hair.  My eye brows and upper lash line have definitely thinned out. I bought some super dooper thickening mascara, not really sure that it works but it looks better than having none on.  And I've been trying to master the fake eye lashes.  Luckily I'll be recovering for 4-6 weeks and expect (hope) we'll see some growth during that time.

My feet feel a little tingly.  I think that’s a side effect from the Taxol, they say you can get neuropathy from Taxol.  It’s not too bad, I can still feel my feet and the tingling feeling is not as bad as when you wake up and a limb is asleep but it is a little strange.

I get worn out easily.  Yesterday I tried on a dress I’m wearing to a wedding tonight and decided I’ll need to get ready extra early so I can catch my breath after getting dressed!  But sometimes I don’t get worn out easily and I don’t feel the exhaustion until the next day.  This is both good and bad.  Good because I get to enjoy feeling ‘normal’ and bad because the next day is extra challenging. 

When on medication I can’t drive.  My poor mom has to deal with the worst back seat driver ever! 

I’ll try to post again before surgery and then I might have to show Bobby how to post on here so he can update everyone when I get out of surgery. 

 

I’m almost done!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am truly blessed.  In four hours I’m going for my final chemo treatment and I made it through relatively unscathed.  I had some nausea, couldn’t sleep, a little anxiety (maybe a lot), pain in my hips and legs, lost my hair, my eye brows and eye lashes are thinning, get hot flashes (who sweats by just standing there when it’s in the60’s?  Me!), have kind of lost my memory (my notes and lists are way more important than they used to be), am at a loss for words daily (because I can’t remember words, not because I’m shocked or sad) and if I look back through my blog I’m sure I’d find some other stuff I didn’t like dealing with. Some of the lasting effects might be a little difficult to accept – possible menopause at 37, loss of my reproductive abilities (but I don’t know if we wanted more kids anyway, although cute they are a lot of work!), an intense surgery with painful recovery, a new body (sounds great but might be difficult to accept.  We have to wait and see) and I’m sure other things that I don’t know about yet. 

BUT this treatment process has been way easier than I expected.  I know I could’ve gotten sick, had extreme nausea, gotten the flu, been admitted into the hospital, been alone, had no support from family and friends and had to work. And I met some amazing people along the way: 

·         Jerry, my friend that started chemo the same day as me.  We’ve made plans for dinner on the 30^th to celebrate that we will NOT be at chemo that day. 

·         My doctors – I’m looking forward to my appointment with Dr Jones, my breast surgeon, or “current surgeon” as I like to call him.  Dr Jones and his nurses have been with me since Day 1.  Jerry and I agreed last night that they’re office is warm and pleasant which is hard to imagine for an office where I was told I have Breast Cancer. 

·         My Oncologist – Dr Barnhill whom I’ve talked about a lot.  I gave Dr Barnhill a little gift yesterday.  Her hands are always cold and she talks about those pocket hand warmers all the time. Well I found some and brought one to her and she hugged me.  The little things mean the most sometimes!

·         My chemo nurses – we had a rough start the first day of chemo but that quickly changed and I look forward to seeing them.

·         The people I’ve met at church.  Some of whom give me a smile or hug on Sundays and some who have taken me under their wing and really reached out and become my friends.

·         Shannon, my “person” in Arizona as of last week by way of Nevada by way of CA whom I was put in touch with by best friends in OR who are from CA J.  Yes, that path is necessary.  I’ve never met Shannon in person or even spoken to her on the phone but we were put in contact with each other and have emailed and texted A LOT.  She went through Breast Cancer a few years ago and I can’t say how much she has helped me through this.  I don’t ever want to have to be this person for anyone because I want cancer to Go Away but I am here for anyone who ever needs me. 

So I do feel blessed through all of this.  If I question where God has been I remember he doesn’t give us more than we can handle (which is hard to remember or accept sometimes) and he has made me to be one that can take something like Cancer and give it the bird with a smile on my face.  Oh wait, God might not like the bird J 

So here I go, about to get ready for my final chemo treatment.  My mom will drop me off so I can try to sleep once I get my straight shot of Benadryl (Missy, my chemo nurse, suggested I drink cranberry juice while she’s giving me the shot so I don’t taste the awful chemical that I tried to get away from the first time but was unable to since it’s going into my neck about 3 inches from my mouth and nose.  This worked but we forgot the juice last time).  Then my mom will come back around 12:30 with some lunch (I haven’t touched that boxed lunch they deliver since my 2^nd treatment) and will hang out with me while I finish chemo.  Tonight will be good so I think Bobby and I might go to a movie.  Thursday is my moms birthday so I think we’re taking Micah on a Street Car ride and to lunch (sounds like Micah’s birthday huh?) and I’ll go for my white blood cell shot.  The Jazz Fest lineup also comes out on Thursday,  Yippee!  (For those who go, you know what this means!!)  Friday the pain will probably start in the evening and I’ll deal with that until Tuesday.  It sure is nice to know what to expect, I hope Taxol doesn’t throw me a curve ball this time.

On a side note, my surgery was moved up a day to Feb 5^th.  I could go on and on about this (poor Katie has heard it all!) but will save it. 

Happy Hump Day everyone! 

Cross your fingers!

Guess who’s been sleeping on the couch the past 4 nights???  It’s not Bobby and it’s not because we’re fighting J  Thursday night Bobby came down with the flu/cold that’s been going around and in order to keep our house as germ free as possible he’s been quarantined to the bedroom and I’ve been sleeping on the couch.  Luckily I like our couch better for sleeping on than for sitting on.  And of course, my mom added some extra blankets to make it super comfy.  I think we’ve made it through the worst of it and I’ll be moving back to our room tonight.  Please pray and keep your fingers crossed that I don’t get sick.  We are so close to being done with Chemo, I’d hate to get sick now!

Jan 2nd

January 2^nd – I’m currently sitting in my chair for my 3^rd round of Taxol.  The 2^nd treatment was not as bad as the first.   I did have some pain but not like the 1^st treatment.  I also took Vicodin and Lortab every 4 hours which might have helped.  I’m hoping this 3^rd round is similar, or better, but we’ll just have to wait and see. 

I’m starting to get a little nervous about my surgery.  Not the surgery itself but the recovery because I think it’s going to hurt!  I know I can handle the recovery but that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt.  I’m hoping my hair starts to grow back during that time, when I probably won’t be doing a ton of things. 

I’m also a little sad that I won’t be seeing my chemo nurses anymore after my last treatment on 1/16.  Hopefully that didn’t jinx me, I guess there’s still a chance that more treatments will be necessary.  And I will have to come for checkups every 6 months so I can always pop my head in if I miss them too much.   

Christmas was good.  And Helena ended up getting to be here this week which has been nice.  Our house is full but it’s full of love so that makes it feel good to be here.  New Year’s Eve was mellow for us.  Bobby worked and I went to dinner with some friends and out for a drink after and then home to fall asleep on the couch at 10:30, woke up at 11:30 to move to bed.  I missed midnight but I know it happened because I woke up the next morning and it was 2013. 

I don’t think 2012 was all that bad.  I had to look through my calendars to see what all I did since my memory is kind of nonexistent right now.  I found a lot of good things we did!  And I’m going to show you with pictures because I think pictures are much more interesting.

Mardi Gras

 

 

Dominican Republic for a wedding

 

Easter

 

French Quarter Fest (don’t worry, the can isn’t open!)

 

Jazz Fest

 

July 4^th

Kenny Chesney and Tim McGraw with Mary Lou (Bobby's mom)

 

Red Dress Run (NOFD guys)

 

Weathering Hurricane Isaac (doing our best to stay cool!)

 

Portland with cousins (The cousins meet for the first time in OR even though they live in CA and LA)

 

And then September 24^th came along and I received my diagnosis.  (This is the day after, notice the bags)

But we still had good times!

 

And visits from friends

 

 

My favorite guys

 

Nana and Micah at their favorite place

 

My favorite kids

The fortune I got at lunch today (1/3) and I fully believe is true!