Fragile like a bomb

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Are you fragile like a bomb or a flower?  I don't want to be fragile like a bomb that's going to explode so let me explain what I think this means. 

 

Many flowers are fragile in the sense that they can fall apart with a small breeze.  Do you fall apart at the simplest things that get in your way?    It's easy for our human brains to grab ahold of the things that hold us back, like the opinions of other people.  So remember this: 

 

 Being fragile like a bomb that has the power to have a huge impact when it is detonated, or when you are putting your ideas in motion, is the kind of fragile I think is referenced with this quote.  And remember that small steps can have big impacts!  

 

 

I also think being fragile like a bomb has something to do with sticking to what you believe in. Do the right thing with integrity so you can sleep at night.

 

oh my goodness wasn't he precious, sleeping without a care in the world!

*This particular photo is of a t shirt being sold on etsy, totally unrelated to this blog*

You're not alone

Did you know you're not alone?  Like really, you're not alone.  I'm not talking physically alone, I'm talking about experiencing things that you experience. 

 

You might not know the people with the shared experiences. 

 

You might be surprised WHO has the shared experiences.

 

You might not be surprised who has the shared experiences.

 

The point is, we all have shared experiences and most of us are too afraid or embarrassed to share them but I'm telling you, you are not alone. 

 

How do I know?  Because every time I mention something that's going on with me (a weird twitch, smelly armpits, cancer, side effects of medicines, frizzy hair, the list goes on…) someone else has experienced it or knows someone else who has. 

 

Are you asking yourself, what's the big deal with this?  Let me tell you!  There are a few reasons why it's important to know you're not alone:

Just knowing someone else has experienced the same thing is reassuring 

            There IS someone you can talk to.  When I was going through breast cancer, I had "my person" that I would text at all hours of the day or night who had gone through the same thing.  Another friend put us in touch with each other.  Knowing it's normal, even if it sucks, to experience certain things helped me to be more accepting of my experience.   

The more I talk about things, the more suggestions I get for how to combat or deal with things.  Hopefully it won't require this many flowers :)

Have you ever wanted a referral from someone who had experience with a provider, medical or otherwise, but didn't know how to go about getting it?  Ask around!

And remember, when someone tells you about something going on in their life, be nice.  You might not understand or have experience with it yourself but if they're telling you, they need to talk about it. 

funk - /fǝNGk/

5-4-3-2-1 and BAM! Get out of the funk.  But dang it, sometimes I want to sit in the funk for a bit!  And I think that's ok as long as I am aware of what I'm doing.   I also think a time limit is good to have so that I don't wallow for too long because honestly, aren't our funks often meaningless?  And don't they often cause undo problems like arguing or wasting time just being mad?

 

Roughly 111 days ago I was so busy going from one thing to the next that I didn't need to acknowledge my feelings or figure out where they were coming from.  And now, after a few months of being home and making time to intentionally do things like journal, read, deciding what I really want to be doing or how I want to spend my time (tv, social media, walking, etc…), paying attention to my moods and more importantly WHY I am in the mood I'm in, I am acknowledging my feelings.  I'm looking deeper into why I feel a certain way.  It's much easier to solve a problem when you know what it is.  I'm not saying it's easy or fun all the time!  But in the big picture, I'm happier.  I can see when I need to listen or stop talking.  I can see where I want to make changes and I'm taking the time to figure out HOW to make the changes. 

 

Sometimes Bobby makes me mad. Go figure :)  But me being mad doesn't help anything and I know this.  Bobby certainly doesn't want me mad.  (Trust me.  I know you don't believe this but I'm not always fun to be around!) I know I've consciously talked myself through being mad and consciously accepted being mad and then consciously told myself it was time to change my mood and 5-4-3-2-1 BAM! I move and make myself change my mood.   

 

Let me give credit where credit is due.  Mel Robins has a 5 Second Rule.  I haven't even listened to, or read, much about her 5 Second Rule but I get the gist.  Mel says "The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you must 5-4-3-2-1 and physically move or your brain will stop you."  I'm going to research this more to make sure I'm using the rule correctly but even if I'm using it wrong, it's working!

How do you get yourself out of a funk?

 

We all need a little patience

When Helena arrived home for the funeral of her cousin, Edi Lara, Jr* who died unexpectedly at the age of 26, she asked what I planned to wear to the service. 

 

Helena arrived home on Wednesday and the service was on Friday.  Her clothes are packed away for the summer and her outfit question was valid. Even Edi’s sister needed to go shopping since she arrived in sweats, coming from Maryland.  My response was, “That’s 2 days away.  I am strictly one day at a time these days.”  I mean, how do you plan when things change on a daily basis?  

 

You certainly don’t plan an untimely death of an amazing 26 yr old family member or friend.  You don’t plan for your parent to be diagnosed with cancer (just so you know I’m not referring to my mom but it’s still horrible).  You definitely don’t plan for your own diagnosis (again, someone I know.  Not myself.  But again, it’s horrible).  I did not plan for a pandemic.  I didn’t plan riots or tropical storms. 

 

I’m not going to ask “what’s next” or “what else” because I don’t want to know.  Can't we all use a little patience (for real, click the youtube link!).  I guess that's the skill I'm learning through this.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErvgV4P6Fzc

Ok, so maybe the song doesn't completely match the patience I am learning but I love this song. 

*We are deeply saddened about the loss of a great guy.   I really don’t think I ever heard a negative word about Edi.  I only met his dad’s side of the family on a few occasions so I would forget that we weren’t his only family and would invite him for holidays and Saints games.  When he declined, he was always respectful and it was usually because he was going to his (paternal) Grandma’s house.  I also know he’d stop by and call his (maternal grandma) MawMaw to check in.  He was raised right and it’s tragic that he’s gone. 

Should I Pinch Myself?

I was invited to attend the recording and filming of a bunch of local artists coming together to record their version of Purple Reign by Prince.  The recording is for the You Night 2020 Purple Reign - Let Love Reign virtual runway show.  When you are forced to pivot and you do it with open eyes, open heart and open mind the possibilities are endless. 

Whoa.  Wow.  Should I pinch myself?  I felt like I was watching the filming of “We Are The World.”  OMG I didn't know I could have goosebumps for 3 hours straight and I still have them!  It was so powerful to hear them sing the chorus the first time, and every time after.  To see musicians work together - and sing their hearts out - amazing.  

Dalila Seruntine (singing) with Groovy 7 put this whole thing together

Music brings us together.  I wonder if they realize the impact they have on the world.  I remember meeting Walter 'Wolfman' Washington and telling him that he's famous and he laughed and said "Oh I don’t know about that!" All of the artists had that same air about them last night.  I don't think they knew exactly why they were meeting and maybe didn't fully understand, even after we explained, but they showed up ready to sing.  And when we told them the song was going to be used for a cancer survivor runway show, we became the stars. 

Kindness Matters

Every morning since the beginning of September I've written down at least 5 things I'm grateful for.  By starting the day reflecting on the good things from the day before I've become more intentional about looking for things to be grateful for. Yesterday I read a post on Facebook with pictures of random acts of kindness and it got me thinking, not only should I be looking for things to be grateful for but I should be looking for things that I can do for others, giving them something to be grateful for. 

 

It’s hard to come up with things that I've done recently because I haven’t been out in public much but here are a couple of things I've done in the past:

 

• I've made a few trips to Starbucks over the past 3 months.  Knowing my mom likes her Tall 1 shot Americano's but hasn't been going to Starbucks, I picked her up coffees even though she didn't ask (#1 daughter!)

 

• We always drive the same route to Jazz Fest and one day I decided to bring breakfast for the guys standing at the corner.  Among other things Jazz Fest related, I missed the opportunity to do this in 2020.

 

• Micah eats his breakfast in the car on the way to school.  Sometimes, for whatever reason, he doesn’t eat it. I started giving it to a man on a corner.  Now when Micah doesn’t want to eat his food he tells me to give it to a homeless man.  Kind of back fires on me because he’s not eating but totally worth it to give something away.  And I love that Micah thinks of it.

 

 

Here are some ideas of things to be grateful for and things you can do to make someone else's day better:

 

• Let someone in front of you  while driving
• Hold the door for someone
• Take someone's cart from the parking lot to the door as you're walking in (it drives me crazy that I can't do this right now! But I don't want cooties!)
• Pay for the order of the person behind you in line (if you have the funds!)
• Pick up something that someone has dropped (again, cooties…  be careful)
• Say hi! 
• Compliment a stranger

 

 

 

I know, there is a TON of bad, negative, sad stuff going on right now but what I’d love to do is add to this list with our own acts of kindness.  Please share what you've done and give us ideas of what we can all do!

Check out these Random Acts of Kindness

I'm still learning

I don't understand why some people think the color of someone's skin makes them better, or worse, than the other.  To try and understand what exactly racism is, why racism exists and what to do about it, I reached out to some friends for some reading suggestions.  I need to learn and grow.  I need some history. I think I failed to pay attention to anything other than boys when I was in high school and if my dad were here, I'm sure he'd agree.  One thing I know is, it is never to late to learn.

My plan is to do my best to learn, to understand and to support.  I'd like to say that my circle is well rounded.  I'd say I have a decent amount of black friends. I think I respect everyone.  I dislike racist words and behaviors.  But I don't think that's enough.    At this point, I'm not sure how to show my support but I intend to find out.

I plan to watch I Am Not Your Negro

Book recommendations from friends:

The Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison

The Bluest Eye by Toni Morrison

Race Matters by Cornell West

The Souls of Black Folks by W.E.B. Dubois

Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Me and White Supremacy by Layla F. Saad

White Fragility by Robin J DiAngelo

If you dislike this post, I think it's safe to say you can definitely not comment and absolutely feel free to unfollow me.  

I saw this beautiful flower on my walk today and thought you needed to see it too.