Do blonds really have more fun?

Since I’m married with a kid AND  I have cancer, we might not find out the true answer.  But I am blond!  Eight days ago I had brown hair with high lights.  Today I have straight up blond hair.  Bleach blond hair.  There is no brown in my hair.  None.  I decided I wanted to do something a little crazy since I might lose my hair.  And you might ask, what if you don’t lose your hair?  Well then, I will shave it because I’m not keeping this blond-hair-thing up!  I don’t have the time (or money!) to get my hair done every 2 weeks so I’m going to enjoy the bleach blond hair while I can.  I might get a crazy hair cut soon too.  Why not?!

My first round of chemo was last Thursday and I think it went fine.  I’ve had a little nausea and I’ve been extremely tired but I can handle that.  If you don’t know how nausea feels it’s kind of like feeling queezy but not being sick.  It’s annoying but for me it’s not debilitating.  Unfortunately, if I eat it sort of goes away and since the 10 pounds I gained the first time I went through chemo haven’t gone away I really don’t want to add anymore!  But, feeling ok is better than looking ok.  I guess J  I was talking to Missy, my chemo nurse, yesterday and she said the people who lose a lot of weight during chemo are generally the ones who don’t feel good so…  ugh… I’m ok not being skinny.  I guess J

Yesterday was Day 8 of my cycle and my lab results were within the right margins so I was able to get chemo.  My first round is complete!  I’ll go back on day 20 which will be March 12 to get my labs done again to make sure I can get chemo on Day 21, March 13^th. 

It’s hard to explain the cycle - Day 1, Day 8, Day 21 begins the cycle over so it becomes Day 1 again.  I was told that Day 8 often gets pushed back because lab results aren’t good but I suppose Day 21 can get pushed back too since they test my blood then too.  And the count begins on the day I get chemo so if Day 8 gets pushed back to Day 9 then Day 21 would become Day 22.  Whatever…  I am really trying to not plan things which is REALLY hard for me being that I’m a TOTAL planner.  And a side note, if the days get pushed back it isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It doesn't mean I'm sick or anything, it just means my lab results weren't in the right range. 



Brown w/highlights at PDX

Baby hairs!

Brown morning hair

orange

Day 1 of chemo, not quite blond enough

Orange mlorning hair

Strawberry blond/Pink.  But not quite drastic enough for me!

Blond!!!

My 2nd port

My port is in.  Surgery went well and I got home around 5pm yesterday.  I’m pretty sore today but I’m staying in bed and my mom is coming to take care of me so I’ll make it.

As we were headed towards the hospital yesterday I realized I didn’t remember anything about the surgery process.  Luckily the nurses and doctors were there to guide me through everything J  I'm surprised I don't remember though, I've had several surgeries at this hospital and the nurses even remember me! 

This picture is post-op.  The long line going up and down is where the port was inserted. The shorter, horizontal line on my neck is where the catheter goes into my vein.  

 

The catheter is a small, soft tube that is placed inside one of the large central veins that takes blood to my heart.

This is the actual port that is inside me.  (Crazy!!) 

When I go in for chemo, a special kind of needle is inserted into my skin in the middle of the vertical line on my chest.  This is how the port is accessed.  The catheter takes the chemo to my blood and heart. (I didn’t know about the heart part but I guess that makes sense – blood pumps to and from the heart, right?)

Here I am after surgery.  Thumbs up! 

See that bag hanging in the front of the picture?  That’s sodium chloride.  When I told the anesthesiologist I wished I could’ve drank water before surgery because I drank wine the night before she upped the drip and gave me more.  What does this mean?  Have you heard of the Remedy Room in New Orleans?  Or Hangover Heaven in Las Vegas? Or the IV Doctor who makes house calls in New York. Well, my Anesthesiologist hooked me up with a little cure, I mean not that I was hung over but I was thirsty J

I'm Pooped!

I don’t remember ever having such a low energy level.  I know I was tired during chemo and wasn’t sleeping well but this, I think, is different.  I get at least 9 hours of sleep per night.  Most nights I don’t wake up at all, even if I go to bed early.  Last week I went to bed at 7:30, probably fell asleep around 8:30 and did not wake up until 7am.  I feel good and rested when I wake up but by 12:30-1pm I’m tired.  I have trouble keeping my eyes open and even find it hard to talk or at least speak clearly.  It’s not like I’m tired and should be sleeping it’s like I’m exhausted and my body needs to rest.  Apparently the low energy levels stem from radiation and could last 2-3 months.  My body is busy rebuilding my cells that were killed during radiation.  It’s all so weird because I don’t SEE anything happening but when I hit the wall, I hit the wall  hard and it’s time to stop.  My afternoons are generally spent on the couch or lazy boy, which isn’t a bad way to spend an afternoon!

Funny story - I told Micah I was pooped one day and he said "Oh!  Momma's pooping."  He's definitely to the age where he's making us laugh a lot.

Last Saturday we celebrated Micah’s 3^rd birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese.  It was wonderful seeing him play with his friends and having fun at his birthday party. 

Right after the party I dropped everyone off and went for my last radiation treatment which we celebrated with champagne and flowers. 

 

Sunday was Bobby’s 40^th birthday, which we celebrated at home by ourselves J   We do have a trip to Portland and Black Butte coming up as a birthday present.  Bobby is always giving me a hard time for not taking him to the snow (I hate the snow!) so this trip really is for him (I want to make sure this is clear, this trip is for him.  Not me!  But I will enjoy it also!)

 

Bobby and I met with Dr Barnhill last week to discuss my chemo plan.  I will be getting my port put back in on Feb 10^th and starting chemo on Feb 20.  How I handle this chemo is unknown but I could lose my hair, have nausea, be tired and/or have low blood counts.

What are low blood counts?   I have to give blood before every chemo treatment and if my levels aren’t in the right place the treatment will be postponed.  I know they check my white blood cell count but I’m not sure what else they check.  I believe the white blood cell count is the biggest concern and also the one that Dr Barnhill expects me to have problems with.  The white blood cells are what fight infection so if my count is low I’m more susceptible to infection.  Last time I would get my ‘white blood cell shot’ which you might remember me talking about.  I can’t get it this time because there has to be 14 days between the shot and the next chemo, which I will not have.  I guess there is a shot I can get for 3 days that would help.  There’s something to combat all side effects, how well they work is another thing! 

 

Where is my hot and humid weather?

Who would’ve thought the cold weather in Louisiana would stop us from moving forward!  Bobby and our friend Gabe flew to Portland last Monday, picked up a moving truck and packed up my moms stuff to bring it out here.  They drove though mountains and across winter-weather states to make it 4.5 hours away from home where they spent the night at Bobby’s sisters house.  When they woke up the next morning roads were closed.  By mid-morning they were able to leave only to drive for about 7 hours to make it 1.5 hours away from home to get stuck again.  What began as a 4 day trip ended up taking 6 days.

Then, we had another "arctic blast" with "wintry weather" warnings, road closures, bridge closures, work closures, Starbucks closures (Micah and Nana got kicked out!) and school closures.  As I saw on Facebook, New Orleans was Closed and would return on Thursday. 

So, here we are on Thursday and New Orleans is open.  Included in all those closures was the Cancer Center so my radiation was postponed for 2 days.  Today was going to be my last day of radiation but I have 3 more days including today.  No biggie, it’s not like I’ll feel great on my last day.  It takes 2-4 weeks to heal.  My skin started peeling like when you do when you’re sunburnt except when I’m sunburnt I pick at it and peel it and scratch it once the redness is gone.  With this burn I do not touch it except to put aquaphor on the irritated skin.  Time (and patience) will heal this wound.

I also meet with my Oncologist (Dr Barnhill) today to plan Chemo.  I have to get my port-a-cath put back in.  The port is a little plastic thing they insert in my chest that has a tube like thing that goes into a vein in my neck.  When I go in for chemo they insert a needle into the port and this is how the chemo is administered.    My breast surgeon (Dr Jones) will put the port in during an outpatient procedure and I don’t have to heal from this surgery, I can start chemo the next day if this is what Dr Barnhill decides I should do.  I have a feeling I will be getting the port put back in and starting chemo in mid to late February. 

Something else I saw on Facebook is this quote: "Everyone you meet is fighing a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always."  I want to remind everyone that it doesn't have to be cancer that you're battling.  It can be anything, your battle is your battle and I don't think you should compare it to mine or anyone elses.  You are my friends and family and your battles are important to me. 

Micah turned 3 this weekend!

 

 

 

I like surprises!

Throughout the past year-and-a-half I've discovered that I like good surprises.  After my radiation treatment yesterday the therapist said I only have 7 treatments left.  I thought I had 10 so not that much of a difference but exciting none the less.  Starting today I am getting “the boost” which is a targeted radiation treatment to the incision area where they removed my tumor.  I will not need xrays and will only get radiation from one angle, from what I understand.  What does this mean?  It means my treatment should take about 1 minute instead of 15-30 minutes. 

Here’s a recap of the past few months.  It seems clear as day to me since I’m going through it but I know it’s not clear to everyone else. 

6/20/13 – went in for my annual exam.  My OB/GYN found a lump and sent me to my breast surgeon to get an ultra sound.  My breast surgeon said it looked like a fat necrosis (masses of dead fat, common with breast surgeries and nothing to worry about) and to come back in 3 months for a check-up.

9/26/13 – went back for my check up and the mass that was thought to be a fat necrosis had grown so we did a biopsy and the mass was actually cancer, not fat necrosis.

10/14/13 – surgery to remove the tumor

12/10/13 – started radiation.

1/30/14 – radiation should be done.  I meet with my Oncologist and make plans to get my port put back in so I can start chemo.

 

My superkids always ready to take care of me!

 

Moms bday dinner

 

We had a GREAT visit with Uncle Jim (my moms cousin)

I admit it, I might be a little crazy

I dropped off Micah last week and while driving home I found myself daydreaming about Chemo.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!  Am I really looking forward to chemotherapy? 

The only thing I can think is that I’m tired of going in every day for radiation.  Chemo will be once a week for two weeks and then I’ll get a week or two break (I don’t know, I haven’t quite figured out the schedule and it’ll probably change throughout chemo).  Radiation isn’t bad, it’s usually pretty quick, it doesn’t hurt and the people are nice.  Maybe it’s because I’m in and out of there so quickly for radiation and with chemo I’ll be sitting in a chair, relaxing for 3-5 hours (I’m not sure how long the “chair time” is yet).  Maybe it’s because I know what to expect with chemo, I know I wasn’t looking forward to it last time (last time?  Geez I don’t know many people who can say “last time I did chemo…”).  Or it could be that I’m looking forward to seeing Missy, my chemo nurse, more often.  Who knows why but I think we can probably all agree I’m a little crazy for looking forward to chemo!

Someone asked me to describe the pain I feel in my breast (so if you’re uncomfortable reading about my breasts, stop now! [that’s a note to my brother! Ha] ).  First of all I think it’s different for me because I had reconstruction, which I know doesn’t mean much to you all either.  If you look at me, with clothes on or even a bathing suit, you will not be able to tell that I had reconstruction.  My breasts look pretty darn natural (props to Dr. Sullivan).  Without clothes you can see my scars.  My skin is the same, my breasts are about the same size as before, my nipples are still there (some women have them removed) but I can’t really feel anything.  The radiation therapists write on my left breast and I can’t feel them doing it.  My nipples do not respond to cold (you know, T.H.O???) and they probably never will.  With the absence of feeling I do wonder how I can feel pain!  I’m not sure that I feel everything someone else who gets radiation for breast cancer feels.  What I do feel is hard to explain.  I went for a walk yesterday (gorgeous day for it and I even noticed a fountain that I’ve never seen before because I made a point to enjoy the scenery while I walked) and I had to hold my left arm still because it hurts if my arm rubs against my breast.  I walked slowly because if my left breast bounces at all it hurts (remember, I don’t wear a bra).  The skin of my left breast is noticeably red from the radiation.  I was wearing a zip up sweatshirt yesterday and it hurt to zip it up all the way over my breast.  Micah wants me to chase him but I can’t because it hurts.  I was driving the other day and decided to hold my breast to see if that helped.  Do you know how much your breasts bounce when you’re not wearing a bra, driving through the streets of New Orleans?  Goodness, no wonder they hurt!

After radiation, showers and before I go to bed, I generously apply aquaphor to keep my skin moist.  I will have a reaction of some sort no matter what I do to prevent it but I’m told the lotion helps. I am taking Aleve but I don’t notice that it does much to block the pain.  I could try something stronger but then I wouldn't be able to drive.

On Tuesday I had to get some CT scans because the Radiation Therapists said I have swelling.  (I totally could’ve told them that!)  The scan was done to determine if adjustments were needed with my radiation.  The Radiation Oncologist, Physicists and who knows who else looked at everything and determined that no changes are needed.   It’s comforting to know that everyone is extremely caution with this and I had no qualms getting the additional scans.

Today I completed my 25^thround of radiation and I have 10 more to go.  Unless, of course, my skin gets too bad which is a possibility but one that we can deal with.  So far I think my skin is doing pretty well but I don’t have anything to compare it to!

When I got my CT scans there was a wood model of the radiation bed so I took some pictures of it.

 Here’s the real bed: The bed backs up so that it's lined up in the circle and the gray arm moves all around me.

Here’s the model:

 

 

 

I'm trying to show how the big gray arm moves around me.  In the first "wood" picture the gray arm would be under me.  In the second "wood" picture it's above me. 

 

This is the fountain I saw on my walk.  I honestly don't know if it's new but I've been on this path at least 50 times, probably more, so it makes me wonder!

 

 

Boring is good, I guess

It’s kind of funny but I feel sort of lame posting an update because my updates are kind of boring.  I’m 15 radiation treatments in and have 20 remaining.  The first day was a little rough emotionally but things have improved and the whole process usually takes about 30 minutes.  So far, the only side effects I’m experiencing are a super heavy and sore breast.  I don’t wear a bra, not even the cheap sports bras I bought because they hurt (good thing I had my reconstruction surgery already!).  They radiate my left breast from all angles with this big machine that moves around me while I lay on a table.  The table has this mold of my upper body and the radiation therapists adjust my position to the centimeter, maybe millimeter (I don’t really know, they say to each other “I need 2” or I need ½” or “I need In” or “I need out” or “I need a roll” and then they move me by moving the sheet that I’m on and then they say “I’m good all over”) and we begin.  First the machine takes x-rays to make sure I’m really in the right spot and then they start the radiation.  I don’t feel a thing, I don’t see anything ‘radiating’ me.  The machine moves around my body, from right side, above me, to the left and then behind me.  I can’t move the entire time and the only way I know the radiation is occurring is that I hear the machine make the noise. 
Here's a picture of the bed and radiation machine.  I lay on the bed and the big grayish machine moves all around me. 

 

In the next few weeks my skin will probably become more irritated and could blister.  I hope it isn’t too bad and that they can continue with my treatment.  But I know I’m lucky as I see other patients waiting for radiation who aren’t as lucky.  Like the young guy, probably 35, who comes with his family and was checked into the ER yesterday because of pain he was having.  He’s pale and skinny and I just want to hug him.  Pray for him and others who are having a rough time with treatment.  Pray for the children who are going through this, who must be scared out of the minds with their parents being even more scared. 

We had a good Christmas.  Helena was with us, Bobby's mom and Mason came over and my mom was already here.  Micah ripped open his presents and then made us put everything together.  Helena got something she's been asking for for 20 years (she said 20 years, we reminded her she's only 16) and Bobby cooked everything!  Chicken and sausage gumbo, two fried turkeys and potato salad and yes, we had leftovers. 

Christmas morning

 

 Merry Christmas from New Orleans (that's the superdome!)