Getting ready for Christmas!

What a busy few days. I feel like I’m trying to get a bunch of stuff done so I don’t have to worry about it when the pain comes.  Three hours to go…  But maybe it won’t come. 

Thursday we took Micah to the Cancer Center for a Christmas party.  He met my nurses and we looked around a little.  I came back a few hours later for my white blood cell shot and Rebirth Brass Band was getting ready to play.  They played a few songs in the lobby and then went back to the infusion room.  I’m not sure how I would’ve felt if I were getting chemo and trying to sleep but hey, it was pretty cool to have Rebirth in the house.  And I wasn’t getting chemo or trying to sleep J

We’re celebrating Christmas on Sunday because Bobby works Christmas Day and because Helena is with us this weekend.  I wish she could stay the whole Christmas Break with us!  The tree is up and we even have gifts under the tree so we’re off to a god start.  Fingers crossed, prayers said that I feel ok and can enjoy our family Christmas.

Here's a video of Rebirth from Thursday.  It might just sound loud but they're playing Jingle Bells and there's some girl dancing that's kind of interesting to watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_8xRjlauH4U

Micah and me with my chemo nurse Missy

 

 

Dec 18th

                                             
Wow!  Rescue the Tatas was a huge success!  From those who helped get ready for the event and those who helped at the event to the Rescue Squad and Flying Squad who donated food to the people who came out on Saturday for some fun, even the weather was perfect and to all those who donated items for the silent auction, raffles and door prizes – Wow! I couldn’t have asked for more.  I think everything was PERFECT.  We are so blessed to have such wonderful friends and family that care about us.  Thank you to everyone!

Tomorrow is my next Taxol treatment and I am not looking forward to it.  Actually, I’m kind of looking forward to the actual treatment because I want to test out the Benadryl injection again J  I’ve told my mom that she needs to drop me off because I intend to sleep but I’ve also told her to come back around 12 because I might not sleep or I might wake up and if I do I’ll be hungry and I refuse to eat the box lunches they serve (you know, the ones that make me ill just thinking about them).  What I’m not looking forward to is the pain that came with the Taxol last time.  Dr Barnhill says that it might not be as bad which I’m having trouble believing and she  didn’t really have any ideas for beating the pain so it could be another painful weekend for me.  I did ask for a morphine drip but I guess maybe she thought I was kidding.  She did seem excited when she said that after tomorrow I will be halfway done with my Taxol treatments.  I will try to keep that in mind if I end up with the pain again.

 

A few songs that I want to share with you all

Bobby's song to me:
http://youtu.be/HoRkntoHkIE


From Heather to me (which I shared with my friend that I started chemo with):
http://youtu.be/Us-TVg40ExM

Dec 14th – Taxol SUCKS

One week post Taxol, man that stuff sucked.  This is what happened:  I went to Chemo on Wednesday and was hooked up to the IV’s.  This time I even put on several layers of the cream that’s supposed to numb my port but that doesn’t help.  So much for out-smarting a needle.  Then the nurse injected my IV with 50 mgs of Benadryl.  Whoa.  I could taste it and that was weird but them BAM! It hit me.  I’ve taken 50 mgs of Benadryl to sleep, that’s just 2 pills that take roughly 30 mins to dissolve.  I’ve never had 50mgs injected into an IV and although I kind of like the quick hitting side of the injection, this was crazy.  While she was still injecting the Benadryl I remember asking the nurse if my head was supposed to feel loopy and if I was supposed to taste it and turning my head away so that I couldn’t taste it but I don’t think my head could get far enough away from my neck where the port is (duh) so I surely tasted it. 

The side effects of the Taxol hit me Friday night when my friend Lorrie and I were driving towards my company Christmas party around 7:30.  I chickened out of the party reminding myself that I don’t have to be brave all the time (thanks to therapy for that!).  We turned right instead of going straight, Lorrie was driving because I felt ‘kind of funny,’   and for the next 30-45 mins we drove around trying to decide what to do.  We ended up at Mandina’s for a glass of wine and onion rings and then came home for top ramen and another glass of wine.  As we were sitting at Mandina’s I started to get a really intense achy feeling so I was happy we skipped the party.  This achy feeling got worse as the weekend went on.  My hips, legs, knees, ankles, inner thighs, outer thighs, hamstrings, quads and calves hurt.  Oh and cramps like I’ve never had.   On a pain scale of 1-10 the constant pain was at a 40.  And the shooting pain was a 4,000. I tried vicodin, iburpfen, Lortab, a hot bath, heating pads, ice packs, elevating, walking, standing, sitting, lying down, even a bloody mary and nothing made me feel better.  Finally on Monday the pain started to ease up.  I can’t say my legs don’t feel ‘kind of funny’ now but I can handle this.  This is a walk in the park compared to 3 days ago.

I have never in my life been in so much pain.  Dr Barnhill better have something up her sleeve and whatever it is, I’m willing to try.  Well…  I don’t think I’d eat monkey brains.  But maybe I would.

And on a brighter note, tomorrow is the benefit!  Rescue the Tatas!  I‘m so excited!  The generosity of everyone is really impressive.  I’m truly thankful to everyone who has donated and to those that are helping out.  If you can make it, even for a few minutes, I think you’ll be impressed and you might walk away with some cool gifts for others, or yourself!

Dec 6th (and Nov 30th)

It’s 3:41am and I’m awake because I had to take some meds for my chemo tomorrow and I figured I’d take advantage of the quiet to update everyone.  I’m halfway done with Chemo and moving on to a new drug called Taxol.  This follows the original plan of 4 treatments of Cytoxin and Adriamyocin and then 4 treatments of Taxol.  Both treatments attack the cancer from a different angel or perspective, both designed to shrink the tumors.  The first set definitely worked and the tumor has shrunk significantly and now Taxol will try to shrink it even more, in a different way. 

Dr Barnhill said she will not give me the Taxol if I don’t take these meds at 9pm and 3am the night before chemo so I’m following orders.  I take 5 of these steroid pills at 9 and 5 more at 3, then before I get the Taxol drip I get even more of this steroid, Benadryl, anti nausea meds and something else and then the Taxol drip is 3 hours.  So I’m thinking these next 4 treatments will take the same amount of time as the first 4 did and I’ll be “in the chair” for 4-5 hours.  Taxol can cause allergic reactions and the steroids and Benadryl are meant to prevent this.  Dr Barnhill says she hasn’t seen bad reactions to this and has been giving it for 25 years.  She said this is the recommendation and she believes the steroids and Benadryl are the reason she hasn’t seen anything bad so she doesn’t take chances.  The possible side effects are the same as the other treatment – hair loss (it’s already gone), nausea (it’s supposed to be easier on the body than the other treatment), pins and needles in the legs and finger tips (I got a prescription from my surgeon to help me sleep if I have problems with this) and the possible allergic reaction which we’ll know about as soon as the drip starts and everyone is trained to handle it.

I’m nervous about starting a new treatment because I’ve done so well so far.  I am afraid eventually there might be a bump in the road.  It must be my positive attitude, the prayers that everyone is sending and my knowledgeable doctors that have helped me so far so we must continue!!!

My thankful thought for Nov 30^th (bet you thought I forgot!) goes out to my doctors.  I like all of them and that’s weird to me.  I’m generally pretty skeptical but I like them all which makes the waiting room time a little easier to deal with and makes it easier for me to go to ALL of my appointments.

Thanks for all of your support!  Everyone!  And thank you Tracy and Lorrie for coming out to help me while my mom is gone.  Tracy has been here since last week.  In addition to following the long To-do list my mom left, she took Micah to the zoo yesterday and from what I hear they had a great time.  Lorrie will be here Thursday to take over until my mom comes back next week.

Ordering T Shirts

A link has been added to the right side of my blog.  Click on it and you'll be directed to my yahoo email address where you can send me your order. Orders need to be made by Dec 5th.

All tshirts are $15

I need to know:
Size and number of shirts - children and adult sizes available
Your mailing address

Your payment can be made via paypal at:
http://www.youcaring.com/Donate.aspx?FRID=25419

Kids shirts have nothing on the back

Adult Shirts have a fluer de lis on the front left pocket area (no pocket)

Nov 28 and 29

Nov 28 – Yesterday I was thankful for a day of nothing!  I took Micah to school and unfortunately cancelled plans with his Maw Maw (so sorry Mary Lou!) and rested the entire day.  We will make up the missed lunch with Maw Maw since I know those are very important!

Nov 29 – This is going to sound bad but I’m thankful that November is almost over.  I do enjoy sharing with everyone and am thankful for way more than I’ve posted but I did feel a little pressure to stay caught up. I’m thinking, if I do this again, I’ll make a list and post it at the end of the month J 

I’ve had a little bit of nausea this time around but nothing debilitating.  I think it mostly comes when I think about the boxed lunch that gets delivered while I’m in Chemo.  Not sure how to wipe this thought from my mind but it makes me want to vomit every time I think about it.  The box consists of a sandwich (bread, meat and cheese) with a fruit cup and baked chips of some kind.  I only ate this once and will never eat it again.  I’ve had Subway the last 3 times and now that’s starting to make me ill just thinking about it.  I think this deserves a serious WTF?! 

Bobby and I met with Dr. Jones (my surgeon) on Tuesday.  An ultra sound was done and the tumor continues to shrink.  We have tentatively scheduled my surgery for February 6^th – this way I’ll get to celebrate Micah’s birthday, Bobby’s birthday and the Super Bowl.  Unfortunately I’ll miss most of the big Mardi Gras parades and festivities but sometimes you have to sacrifice.  The surgery has to be scheduled within 2-3 weeks of my last chemo which is scheduled for Jan 16^th.  Of course things can change but hopefully they don’t.

Rescue the Tatas is coming together!  We have a bunch of restaurant gift cards, gift baskets, store gift cards and massage gift cards for the raffle and silent auctions.  We even have Saints Tickets!!!  If you’re in town you won’t want to miss this event.

Nov 25, 26 and 27

Nov 25 – I am thankful for the friendships I’ve developed since I moved to New Orleans.   From my first friend in New Orleans to the friendships that have developed at the lamest place to make friends, the cancer center. I am thankful for all that you’ve added to my life. 

Nov 26 – I’m thankful for little bursts of energy, just enough to run to the store to buy some medicine for Micah’s cold. 

Nov 27 – I’m thankful for friendly people because we don’t have to be friendly but it sure makes a difference when we are.

Nov 21, 22, 23 and 24. I’m behind!

Nov 21 –Wednesday morning we met Gabe and Katie for beignet’s at Café Dumond,  I’m not sure what I was most thankful for, the beignet’s, Katie and Gabe, living in a beautiful city where we can drive 10 mins to go do things that people plan vacations around, being able to spend time with friends and family or being able to see Micah eat his first beignet.  It’s nice to have so many things to be thankful for.

 

Nov 22 – Thursday was Bobby and my fourth anniversary.  I’m so thankful for Bobby.  He has patience for me and my high maintenance tendencies, he wore pink in our wedding because he wanted to make me happy, he works hard to take care of our family, he allows me to be me and I feel comfortable being me with him and he gave me a beautiful step daughter and a super cute son.  I know Bobby didn’t ask to have a wife who’d get cancer some day (who would?) but he has surely handled it in a way that has helped me.  He’s come to appointments with me and helped me make decisions but more importantly he’s been my rock, or I like to say my stabilizer.  And he makes me laugh.

Nov 23 – Friday – I am thankful for great friends and family that came together for a delicious Thanksgiving meal (mostly cooked by my mom, don’t ever let her tell you she can’t cook!)  And I’m thankful for my friend Debbie who invited us over on Thursday when Bobby was working.

Nov 24 – Today I’m thankful it’s Saturday and I have nothing to do.  Except get a manicure, watch the Civil War game and go to dinner to celebrate our anniversary.

Nov 20

Nov 20 - I’m thankful this week is a 4 day work week because this week is full of appointments, 6 appointments to be exact.  Yesterday morning I had a bone scan because my hip had been hurting.  The pain was due to something that happened before cancer and chemo but Dr Barnhill wanted me to get it checked.  The bone scan came back with good results – nothing to cause concern and no additional tests necessary. 

Then in the afternoon Bobby and I went and met with Dr. Sullivan, the surgeon who will do my reconstructive surgery (that’s 2 appointments for Monday).  Based on conversations with women who have been through this before and conversations and recommendations from doctors I’ve decided to do a double mastectomy with tissue reconstruction.  Dr Jones, the surgeon who did my biopsy and inserted my chemo port, will do the mastectomy.  At the same time, Dr. Sullivan will “harvest the abdomen” (tell me that doesn’t sound strange) meaning he’ll be getting my tummy tissue ready to move to my breasts.  I will not get implants, Dr. Sullivan will use my tissue to reconstruct both of my breasts. This produces a more natural look and I won’t have foreign substances in my body.  This is an inpatient procedure but I’ll only be in the hospital for 3-4 nights (I’ve requested 4 nights from the get go, give me all the help and care I can get!).  I won’t be able to lift anything over 10lbs for 4 weeks which means I won’t be able to lift Micah and I will have to sleep upright or on my back for 4 weeks. 

Today I had my lab work and check up with Dr. Barnhill.  Everything looks good.  It took her a little longer than last time to find the tumor, which she said she’s not going to call a mass anymore but I can’t remember what she’s calling it.  She is pleased with my progress and my reaction, or lack thereof, to chemo.  I don’t think it’s very common for people to not be sick or have many negative symptoms.  Tomorrow around 2pm CST I will be half way through my chemo plan. 

After I met with Dr. Barnhill I had my psychotherapy appointment with Dr. Weiss (that’s 2 appointments today).  I really like her and I think she’s going to help me a lot, not just to deal with cancer but become a better me.

Tomorrow is Chemo which seems to be an all day affair.  I get Thursday off, as do my nurses and doctors.  Then Friday I go back for my white blood cell shot. And there we go – 6 appointments in 4 days.

I suppose you might wonder why I’ve chosen the double mastectomy route if my tumor has shrunk so much.  Based on conversations with breast cancer survivors who only had the lump removed or who had a single mastectomy, they all wish they had a double mastectomy so they wouldn’t have to worry about breast cancer coming back. And conversations with my surgeon who said the surgeons at the Center for Restorative Breast Surgery are the best in the world and I should take advantage of them being right here in my city.  And because I’m young (I could have 40+ years to live which seems like a really long time!) and have a young son, why worry about breast cancer for the rest of my life?  So, after serious consideration this is the decision we’ve made. 

 

Nov 18 and 19

Nov 18 – I’m thankful for my church.  My church that prays for us, welcomes us and loves us.   My church that is there every Sunday whether we are or not, and doesn’t make me feel guilty if I miss a Sunday.  My church that gives and makes me want to give in return. 

Nov 19 – I’m thankful for my hair.  Oh wait! I don’t have any.  Well, I’m thankful it’ll grow back some day.

Nov 16 and 17

Nov 16 – I am thankful for sunny, blue skies. 

Nov 17 – I’m thankful for manicures and pedicures.  And to think the first time someone wanted to take me to get a pedicure I said no.  Sure I can live without them but I’m thankful I don’t have to.

Nov 15

Nov 15 ^_ I’m thankful for all the people who have helped organize the fundraiser we’re having on Saturday December 15^th.  If anyone else wants to help, let me know. 

Nov 13 and 14

Nov 13 – I am very thankful that I am able to not work during this.  When I say my energy level is low, it really is. I generally wake up feeling rested although sometimes I wake up tired because I wake up before the sun comes up and I can’t go back to sleep.  By 1pm I’m ready for a nap, sometimes before 1, and it usually doesn’t matter what I’ve done in the morning.  I’m not a good napper so I usually just rest.  I have no problems falling asleep at night so Dr. Barnhill said she didn’t want to prescribe a sleep aid because it’ll make me groggy if I take it in the middle of the night (maybe Bobby should request it for me telling her he’d prefer me to be groggy vs. cranky and tired).  So my energy is low and then I don’t always get the sleep I need to start over the next day.   I feel sort of like I’m on the verge of getting sick but thankfully I don’t.  Then sometimes, when I’m sooo tired I actually sleep a little later and feel better when I wake up.  I feel guilty about not working but if I’m afraid if I tried to work 8 hours I’d be worn out all the time and never feel better.  I see why Dr. Barnhill wanted me to stop working and focus on taking care of myself. 

Nov 14 – I am thankful for Health Insurance.   I’m also thankful for my time working at BlueCross BlueShield of Oregon and the experience I gained reviewing claims, benefits and EOB’s (explanation of benefits or claims processing reports).   I added up a bunch of my claims because my EOB’s arrived yesterday.  I have 10 claims, all before my chemo even started (I’m curious to see those charges!) and they total over $33,000.  Because I have insurance my balance is nowhere near that and because I’m double covered under my insurance and Bobby’s insurance my balance is even less.  But the patient balance column is growing and will continue to do so.  So much for the bigger house I wanted! Ha ha 

I’m going to a therapist today.  I spoke to the head of the department last week and explained my sleeping problems and said that “I think I’m fine, I mean I’m not freaking out or anything…” and she replied that “you are not fine, you’re not sleeping!”  This makes a lot of sense.  So while I’m doing ok, not physically sick and not crying or breaking down all the time, I’m experiencing anxiety.  Just wanted to share with you all that I do have some problems, I’m doing ok but maybe I’m not Super Woman!  Although I feel strong and feel OK, I need therapy.  I’m totally OK with that too. 

Nov 12

Nov 12 –I’m thankful for Micah.  My sweet baby boy.  His voice, his smile, his kisses and his hugs, the way he walks (and runs) around the house, the way he gets excited to go to school and the way he gets excited to see me at the end of the day, the way he says our names, even the way he says No.  And I’m thankful that Micah loves me, with hair or not.  I didn’t know being a Mom could be so amazing and I’m so glad I get to be Micah’s Mommy.

 Today is the last day of Danielle’s trip. We’ve had a fun time trying to take it easy yet still venturing out.  I definitely took it easier than I have with any other visitor and easier than I wish I had to. I plan to rest all day tomorrow and am looking forward to the calm.  But I am also grateful that Danielle came to visit and make sure I’m ok.  We haven’t spent this much time together for years and it was fun to catch up.  It makes me sad Portland is so far from New Orleans and thankful for email, phone, facebook, blogs, texts and airplanes.    

My mom put this collage together as a gift for Danielle and me.  I know you might not be able to see the pictures but we'll remember the good times!

Nov 10 and 11

Nov 10 – Yesterday I was, and today I still am, thankful that Danielle came to visit and got up early to make me breakfast.  Thanks Danielle!

Nov 11 - Today I’m thankful that the Saints won.  It’s fun to live in a city where everyone has something in common and especially fun when we all get to celebrate together.

 

Nov 9

Nov 9 – I am thankful for my Dad.  I’m sad he’s no longer here to help me through tough times or for me to call and tell him what I’ve done recently but I’m happy I had the time I did with him.  I miss him all the time, especially right now when I’m going through something he’s been through.  I’m thankful I got to spend as much time as I did with him while he was dealing with his cancer.  I’m thankful we were able to have an adult father/daughter relationship as friends and confidants not just the dad/daughter relationship where he was the authoritative man that made me do chores and grounded me J

 

As for my 3^rd round of chemo, I’m doing well.  I finally got some good sleep last night so hopefully that’ll get me through the morning, then I’ll take a nap before picking up Danielle at the airport.  I know we won’t get to go crazy like we used to but I’m so happy she’s coming to hang out with me!  And I’m so happy I’m not sick so I can actually go do some things.  I just need to figure out how to get around without walking too much or being in the sun. And I need to remind myself that I can’t do everything I want otherwise I’ll be recovering for the next 3 days.  It is so very hard to not push myself to do as much as I used to.  Just sitting in my chemo chair on Wednesday wore me out! 

FYI - I’m trying to update the blog to make it so everyone can comment, not just google users.  I’m also trying to figure out how to send the notifications to everyone when I’ve posted a new entry.  I hope this doesn’t create a ton of emails to your inboxes, my apologies in advance if it does.

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to send out a reminder to the Meals Calendar Kristyn has posted on her blog site.  I know she's really been appreciative of all the meals she's had delivered to the house...homemade or take out.  So a huge thank you to all that have signed up  and delivered a meal already.  But lets try to keep the meals coming for a few more months until she’s feeling more energetic and a little less stressed with everything going on!

I know she's extremely thankful for everyone's continued support!  

  

Nov 8

Nov 8 – I’m thankful for sleep that I didn’t get last night but am hoping to get tonight!  Don’t worry, I was fine I just couldn’t go back to sleep after I woke up.

To answer some questions about what I am going through.

I meet with Dr Barnhill, my Oncololist, the day before every chemo treatment.  First I get some blood taken so they can make sure my levels are where they should be before chemo.  I’m not sure what all they check but so far I’ve passed the tests.  If I didn’t pass the tests my chemo treatment would possibly be pushed out so they can address the issues. 

Then I meet with Dr Barnhill.  I’m not sure the official intent of the meeting but this is what happens – Her and I sit and talk about what I’ve been going through the past 2 weeks.  I ask questions, tell her my symptoms and she takes notes, asks questions and gives me advice.  I make her laugh occasionally, yesterday it was a story I told her about confusing the preparation H and sensodyne toothpaste. And then she does an examination and listens to my lungs and heart. 

I don’t know if everyone meets with their Oncologist before every treatment but I love it.  Some people go in for their lab work the day they get chemo but I prefer knowing that I can come in the next day for chemo. 

I asked about the white blood cell shot and Dr Barnhill said it’s the same concoction every time so my lab work does not play into the shot.  I also told her my hip started hurting again (previous injury, not life threatening just painful.  It can be treated with vicodin, cortisone shot or surgery) and she ordered a bone scan.  White blood cell shots can cause pain in my bones so she isn’t worried but wants to make sure everything is ok.  White blood cells live in our bone marrow, inside our bones, which explains why people complain of bone pain.

Nov 6 and 7

Nov 6 – I’m thankful for family.  For my family, my dad’s family, my moms family and Bobby’s family.  For my cousins who email me or check on me through my mom.  For my aunts and uncles.  For my nieces and nephews who wear Kickin’ It Pink t shirts and pink football gear and for those who don’t too.  For my cousins kids who don’t even know me but do walks for me or in my honor.  For my moms cousins’ kids who pray for me.  I’m thankful for ALL of my family.

Nov 7 – I’m thankful for good drugs... like chemo :) 

Nov 5

Nov 5 – I am thankful for good times that make good memories. 

I guess all my posts don’t have to be long and include pictures J  But for those of you who are wondering, the every other Tues-Wed-Thurs routine starts again tomorrow.  I meet with Dr. Barnhill tomorrow at 9, chemo on Wed and my white blood cell shot on Thurs. Please pray that my luck will continue and I’ll feel better than expected through my 3^rd round of chemo.

Nov 4

Nov 4 – I’m thankful for my friends.  All of you.  I bet I’ll be thankful for you again this month.  It’s not a cop out, it’s true. 

Nov 3

Nov 3 - I am thankful that Adam and Diane got married last night! Congratulations!! I'm thankful for your wedding for many reasons, some selfish and some not. First of all, for a couple to commit themselves to each other and tell the world that they will stick together through the good times and bad is a wonderful thing. Diane you were especially gorgeous and Adam very dapper.

Second, because I was able to attend and brave enough to go bald head and all. Third for Diane's dad, who shared a similar hair style with me and even some styling secrets. For Bobby supporting me and making me feel comfortable whether I wore a scarf, or not. For the Rescue Squad guys and their wives and girlfriends who also made me feel comfortable and who are very fun to attend a wedding with.

I continue to be kind of grossed out by the wigs. Maybe it's the ones I have or maybe it's just me but I feel ill when I put them on. I had a scarf on until about 2 blocks from the wedding, I removed it thinking it would bring more attention to me, more than my bald head! During the reception a little boy looked at me and said "You have no hair!" I said "You're right!" What a sweet heart, it was just cute of him and I know he meant no harm by it so when he asked why I told him the doctors were giving me medicine to get something bad out of my body. That was good enough for him and he ran off to play.

I am self conscious but somehow I’m able forget that I have a bald head. Until I put my hands through my hair that isn't there. Or the thought shoots through my brain and I remember. Or I see my reflection in a mirror. Or I see my shadow (even that looks different, you'd think it'd look the same as a ponytail but it does not.)  There is a bonus to having a bald head – it took me about 20 minutes to get ready versus the usual 1 hour minimum.

Cheers to Diane and Adam!

Nov 1 and 2

I didn’t put 2 and 2 together yesterday but woke up this morning and realized it is November, the month of Thanksgiving.  This is definitely a time for me to remember all the things I’m thankful for and to give thanks.  I’m going to try to say what I’m thankful for every day and I will try not to pull the cancer card if I forget J

Nov 1 – I was, and am, thankful for my ability to have a positive attitude while I deal with a really tough situation.  I could mope around the house and dwell on the fact that I Have Cancer but I’m choosing not to.  I do fear that my positive attitude could kick me in the face and prove me wrong by the cancer spreading but my positive attitude also allows me to put that fear aside and ignore it.

Nov 2 – I am thankful for my mom who is here with us to help whenever and however we need.  Thirty seven years ago she gave birth to me and to this day she continues to take care of me as her baby girl. Sometimes I remind her that I’m almost 40 (holy crap!) and can do a lot for myself but she is relentless and I am thankful for a wonderful, loving, caring and selfless mom. 

A little update

As I sit here watching the CMA’s I am pumped!  (Way to go Miranda Lambert!  I love her music!)  I want to go to concerts and hang out with friends and listen to some good live music!  But it’s probably better that I am sitting on my couch, in sweats, with water.  I’ll have plenty of time for fun. 

I am attempting to walk for exercise and fresh air.  I went for 1 mile on Monday and then went to Made Fit, the exercise class at church, in the evening and overdid it.  So I didn’t walk Tues or Wed.  Then today I went for 2 miles.  It’s tough walking the path I used to run, and even tougher when I think that it actually is tough to walk.  But it feels good to be out there walking.  Here’s a pic from my walk (Lafreniere Park looks pretty nice!):

I’m feeling pretty good, definitely tired but hanging in.  I am going to see my surgeon tomorrow to make sure my port and the tube that is connected to the vein in my neck is ok.  My neck is sore and I want to make sure there’s nothing wrong.   I got a cold sore on my lip, I used to get these but haven’t for at least 6 years (haven’t had one since I moved to New Orleans).  I’ll assume this came from the stress my body is under.  My mouth is feeling raw right now and I’m hoping this is from something I ate yesterday and not the beginning of the mouth sores some chemo patients get.   And my buzz cut is sadly going to be cut shorter because my hair continues to fall out.  I went to Macy’s today looking for scarves but ended up with some super cute red heals instead, oops!  I’m not sure if the scarves you wear on your head are different from the ones you wear around your neck so I’m on a search.  Still not super keen on the whole wig thing but also not sure how I’ll like a slick and shiny WHITE bald head.  I’ve been talking about going for a spray tan for awhile, I might just do it but I don’t think they get your head because most people have hair! 

For those of you who don’t get the Metairie Picayune, I made the front page!  Hot Damn!  Bet you didn’t think I’d ever be on the front page. 

What's done is done

My hair is gone!  Bobby shaved it off tonight.  He didn’t bic it but he used his clippers and it’s gone.  It took my strong husband to make things happen,  on my own I think I might have made excuses all night long.  My scalp was sensitive but not painful and my hair was coming out in strands, not clumps but I didn’t want to deal with that.  There’s no turning back now although Bobby did stop and ask if I was sure my hair was going to fall out.   I think it was at about this point when he asked:

Put a little gel in it and it looks alright (so glad Helena was here for this!):

 

We kept going and I got to add my personal touch:

And then Bobby got back to work (with my mom in the background, recording the entire thing):

 

now we have two bald people in our family

As for my health, I’m still feeling alright.  My energy level is low, sometimes when I pick up Micah he feels more like a 5 yr old than a 2 yr old, but I’m not sick (yet) and I can still pick him up.   I can still eat and I don’t have a lot of symptoms that some of the women I’ve met are experiencing.  I am thankful for all of this.  I imagine at some point I’ll hit a bump, even a mountain, but I know I’ll keep fighting.  I might need to be reminded that things will get better but I will keep fighting. 

I might be famous!

My story is going to appear in the local newspaper.  The more views and comments the more famous I become :)  Check out the story: http://blog.nola.com/eastjefferson/2012/10/metairie_womans_participation.html
Comment too!

Today is the day after my second round of chemo and I'm feeling ok.  I got my white blood cell shot and am starting to feel a bit more comfortable in my every-other-Tues/Wed/Thursday home.  I've been pretty active today and am thinking I'll sleep a lot tomorrow.   I intend to take Micah to the pumpkin patch and I'll be posting pictures of the cutie when I do. I hope I still feel good!

I found this article that I thought might be sort of helpful for those of you who are wondering what to say or do when you find out a friend or loved one has cancer.  I know it's hard to support someone when you don't know how to support them.  I found out bad news for a family member yesterday and I didn't know what to say or do, even though I'm going through a similar experience.  http://www.womenshealthmag.com/health/helping-a-friend-with-cancer?page=1&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=pulsenews

Time flies

The past 30 days have flown by and it feels more like years vs. days since I received my diagnosis.  I imagine the things that I’ll experience over the next few months will make it feel like many more years vs. months.  My plan is to be done with all of this by Jazz Fest. I have 214 days or 7 months and 2 days or 5,112 hours to prepare, I’m guess I'm starting to prepare early this year.  I usually don’t start preparing until December/January when they announce the bands. 

The turnout for the Race for the Cure was perfect.  I hope everyone had as good a time as I did!  Here's our team, minus a few.

And some more pics

Katie and me

 Micah Kickin It Pink

 The youngest team members of Kickin It Pink

Julie, Katie and me

So my mom called the newspaper and said her daughter would make a good story.  This is the journalist interviewing me. It'll print on Sunday, I really hope he got a good story because all I remember is saying "Like... Like... Like..."

 Noah and Heather (Rachael in the background)

 Micah and my mom/Nana

My family

I had an appointment with my Oncologist, Dr. Barnhill, yesterday.  She said the tumor has shrunk which is obviously great news and makes it easier to see that we should continue on the same treatment plan.  I continue to really like Dr. Barnhill. She spent quite awhile with us answering my questions, some that I had from reading things (“Am I at a higher risk for heart disease and how do I prevent that?”  The answer is yes, I am but it’s not the kind we think of or can prevent.  It affects the pump (I think that’s what it was) and the risk becomes high when the dose of chemo you get is much higher than what I’m getting)  and some silly questions but ones I wanted to know the answer to! (“Do YOU understand cancer?”  She laughed, and her answer was “No one understands it or we’d have a cure.” And then continued to explain what cancer is.)  While explaining that I can have a glass of wine I responded with “so I shouldn’t go to Bourbon St and have a drink at every bar?”  She laughed again and suggested maybe ½ a drink at the first bar, save the second half for the next bar.”  Seriously, I don’t try to make her laugh but I love that I do, and that her responses are serious but funny.  Yesterday she reminded me of Marge Simpson so I had to stop thinking about it J Bobby said she reminded him of a mortician.  She is so smart, poised, sweet and serious and really looks nothing like Marge or a mortician. 

My second round of chemo was today and went well.  Right after it I got my hair trimmed.  It’s been 3 ½ weeks since I cut it and I couldn’t stand it!  It was too long!  I love it and hope I can wear it like this when my hair grows back!  Amy at One to One Salon has been doing my hair for 5 years and always makes me look good.  I’ll post pics of the transition when we make the final cuts if I don’t get to it before.  I can’t believe I was just in Oregon 1 month ago with ‘long’ hair! 

Racing, Posing, Shopping

Tomorrow is the New Orleans Race for the Cure and I’m excited!  We’ve got a team of about 26 members, team t shirts, bandanas, a banner and great weather!  Thank you again to everyone who joined our team and/or donated under our team name.  I am in awe that, in less than 3 weeks, you have all done so much! 

We went and picked up the banner today.

I need to work on my Bad Ass pose, I look more like I'm trying to pose like a statue. Thank you Uptown Graphics for printing this banner for free!

Helena and I had a little fun shopping:

 

I originally planned to work part-time through this but have decided against that and today was my last official day to work.  I’ll begin my short term disability stint in a full time status on Monday and am looking forward to this.  While I didn’t mind attempting to work I realized I was running like normal and haven’t had the chance to slow down.  Taking this time off will allow me to focus on my health, my family and getting through this.  I’ll begin to do a little research because I still haven’t (thank God for the doctors who know what they’re doing!!) and watch some daytime TV, maybe find a new hobby but mostly take it easy so my body isn’t run down.  My manager says she’s fully supportive of this, which I believe and am very thankful for. 

I added a link on the right side of the page for the meal calendar.  Let me know if you have questions about this.   

I’m also adding a link for those of you who want to make donations.  I hesitate to do this because I don’t want anyone thinking I’m asking for money.  But people are asking how they can make donations so I’m putting the ability out there.  Please, Please, Please do not feel obligated.  I am trying to accept all the help that is offered to me and it is difficult because I try to be independent and strong and blah blah but I’ve been told that it is my time to receive.  So when it is my time to give, I will do so with a happy heart.  I want to give, I want to help, it’s hard to think that I can’t right now.

Speaking of giving with a happy heart, I want to thank First Baptist of New Orleans.  We “found” this church (it’s not hard, you can’t really miss it when driving on I-10) a few years ago and have been amazed at the outreach this church does.  When Micah was born my mom called the office to see if the pastor ever made hospital visits.  This man I’d seen a handful of times walked into my hospital room and I looked at him and said “Hey you’re the pastor aren’t you?”  Yep, he came and visited in the hospital and then him and his wife visited us at home.  The church delivered meals on Wednesday nights when I was recovering from a C Section and they are delivering dinners on Wednesday nights through my treatment.  And today, my phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize but I answered it anyway.  It was Pastor Crosby, on his cell, calling me to see how I was doing.  And he said to make sure I save his number into my phone in case I ever need anything. Did I tell you the Sunday service averages about 750-800 people?  And the Pastor called ME to see how I was doing.  Wow. 

So, to wrap up, things are good today :) 



Chemo Brain

I received a card from my good friend Nicole Gulick on Saturday that said she was running a half marathon on Sunday the 14th. She said she would wear something for me and run for me. Sunday morning I received this picture:

Then a few hours later I received another picture from Nicole:

NICOLE KICKED BUTT!!! 2nd place out of ~3200 female runners. I can barely type this without tears because that is AWESOME. Her average pace for 13.1 miles was twice as fast as my pace for 1 mile. Not that I'm comparing, I know I'm not a fast runner.  She pushed herself and I will do the same, to make it through my treatment and come out of this a winner, a survivor.

Ahh yes, I believe Chemo Brain has hit. I thought for sure it'd hit further down the road but it seems to have shown it's silly little face early on. I don't know the "normal" point at which people start to feel they have Chemo Brain but for me, it is now. The reason I know this is I did a quick google search on Chemo Brain and this is what I found: Excerpt: Leroy Sievers shared his experience with chemo brain. He described these symptoms as:

"It’s a little bit like the feeling you get when you’ve had one or two drinks too many, and you don’t want to be drunk. You will try to talk yourself into clarity but it doesn’t always work."

And guess what? This is exactly how I feel. I tried to explain it as feeling like I'm drunk, but I'm not. And when I got in the car to drive it was like, I don't think I should be driving but I'm sober! Needless to say I will be using the Mom's Taxi chauffeur services pretty often.

I realize now that my exhaustion on Thursday, Friday and Saturday was a side effect of Chemo. I pretty much slept every chance I got. Sunday morning Helena, Micah and I went to church and then lounged around the rest of the day. My nausea has not been too bad and I'm thankful for that.

Tomorrow I go for a follow up visit with my surgeon.  I’m hoping he removes my port-a-cath stitches because I really feel like I’ve got fishing wire sticking out of my neck!